Never Ending
by Alyce-Cullen
Summary: Two months after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, but instead of sitting around crying she actually does something about it- R&R- "You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart."
1. Never ending

Summary: Edward leaves Bella in New Moon :( But instead of sitting around crying she actually does something about it :)......

It will be as if he never existed, he'd promised. I thought I trusted him, but I will always know he existed. A world without Edward would be an endless black hole. Why can't I be dreaming?

I got up from my bed and slowly walked down stairs where Charlie would try to make it better. I was right. As soon as I sat down on the love seat in the living room. Maybe I can predict the future, like my- use to be best friend, who is living a wonderful happy life with her soul mate in Denali right now- Alice. I sighed and put my arms around my chest, the pain is just to real, it will never go away. "How are you holding up, Bells?"

"Same," I answered, the same answer I give him every day. Why did his family have to go? Why did they leave me here? What if I did tell people their little secret? I know the answer to the last one, if I told anybody they would have me in a strait jacket in a padded white cell. I took a look at the clock. Only 5:32. I wish there was something I could do. I am about the only person who could make this any better. Well I do know about 7 people who could make this better. But they listened to him and didn't even come to say goodbye... "I am going to go start dinner." I told Charlie as I got up from where I was sitting and walked to the kitchen.

"Are you sure, Bella? I could cook or we could order out." Charlie suggested.

"No, I'm fine. I need something to keep me occupied," so I don't think. I added mentally. I opened the fridge. Nothing. I opened the cabinets. A small piece of paper fell to the ground. I bent down to pick it up. It was the note Edward wrote to tell my dad I was in the woods.

I fell the ground and started sobbing, without making any sound( Charlie would come in and find me like this and he will call mom to take me to Florida). I had a whole life ahead of me, but that means nothing now. My life and soul, my reason for existence, was taken when he left. When he told me that he didn't love me any more. The tears were blocking me from seeing anything. Some one walked in and saw me here, it was Charlie. He didn't call anybody though, he just came over and started rubbing my back.

"What happened?" He asked in a worried tone.

"I tripped and bumped my head." I lied. I took a hand that was helping hod me together and felt around for the small piece of paper I found. Charlie didn't notice when I moved slightly to put it in my back pocket.

He helped me up and I could tell my lie didn't fool him. A world without Edward would be an endless black hole. My world is an endless black hole that I keep getting sucked farther down into, never ending, farther and farther and farther. Never stopping.

"Go sit down Bella." My dad told me when I was standing.


	2. Lets get this straight

"Go sit down Bella." My dad told me when I was standing. I waited for him to begin. Waited for the pain to worsen. Waited for him... "Bella, this isn't working out. You can't just sit here and wait while you are in this much pain. It isn't healthy. There is a very good chance they won't be coming back, it has already been two months." He sighed.

"They will be coming back!" I mumbled, to low for him to comprehend.

"They are probably living a happy life in L.A. right now. I heard that Carlisle got a job in a big hospital down there and that he is getting paid a lot." This one hurt more than all of the other things he said to try and calm me down. The thought that they lied to me and everyone here so that I can't go after them.

"I know they are not in L.A.!" I screamed. "Money isn't an problem. They have an endless amount!"

"Is that why you liked him?" Charlie asked me.

"No. I loved him because he was the only person who really understands me. When he left he took more than you originally thought." I mumbled more towards the end.

"How do you know that the Cullens are not in L.A.?" I held my sides even harder. I have tried not to think of any of them, since they left. Esme, who accepted me from the very start. Carlisle, who was always there to help me. Emmett, who could cheer anybody up. My heart is digging into my sides like a razor blade.

I looked down at my hand before I answered. The scar on my hand that sparkles in the sun and is a few degrees cooler than the rest of my skin. James. "They are in Alaska. They all are. Since the day he left that's where they all were." I realized. I swallowed and tried to get rid of the sudden lump in my throat. The blood in my veins started pulsing faster. "Could I be alone for a few minutes?" I asked as I got up from the chair and walked up stairs.

There was a book open on my desk and as I walked by, four words caught my attention. 'Give in to temptation....' They didn't want me around as a human annoyance or immortal for that matter. I sat down on a chair near the window. I opened the window and took a deep breath. The phone rang down stairs but I didn't budge.

I know that the Cullens are not in L.A., but would they stay in Denali? How hard is it to find a coven of his kind in Alaska? I know, some where, some how, he exists. And there are others...

And there are others...

there are others... there are others...

There are others!

I looked down at my hands and that confirmed it. " Dinner is here." Charlie yelled up the stairs. The sound of his voice made me jump, which caused me to fall on my face.

"Ow," I said while rubbing my nose.

I went down stairs and sat across from Charlie. For the first week after he left I didn't eat anything, and Charlie got worried. So now I have to eat seconds, every day. I started picking at the warm piece of pizza on my plate.

"Bella, you are not the first person to go through this." My dad started. "You know that, right?"

"Yes, I am Charlie, yes I am." I mumbled. "We had something special and I can't forget that." He was my other half. I had chosen my life, but he had a different plan. "He is the reason I am alive today."

"He is also the reason you are lifeless Bella. The reason you wake up screaming at night. The list goes on..."

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. "It's not his fault. I was running with the wrong crowd and it was just a matter of time."


	3. Forbidden to remember

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. "It's not his fault. I was running with the wrong crowd and it was just a matter of time." I mumbled. I suddenly remembered that was what James had told me before he bit me.

"I don't understand what you mean, Bella. What do you mean?"

"You will never understand! You can't. I don't even know the whole story. They are trying to keep me out. They don't care about me. Even though they left so that I could have a life, they left because they care. But you don't leave family."

"Bella, you were never their family." Charlie disagreed.

"And I never will be." I shot back. Charlie took a bite of his pizza and chewed it slowly. ' I wasn't going to live with out you.' ' What would you have done if the situation was reversed?' The situation is reversed. I have to live without him.

The blood in my veins suddenly felt like acid. The time passed slowly and silently. Charlie was on his fifth piece of pizza and I still didn't even take one bite of mine. I just pulled it apart like they would do at lunch. "I'm going to go to bed." I said as I stood up.

"Bella, there is something else I want to talk to you about..." Charlie started. I froze, this is not going to be good. I sat back down and looked up at Charlie. "What about.... college?... You should start looking around. If you want, I can help you search. I know Renee wants you to look into some in Florida. There is a tour of the university in Alaska coming up. If you want you could go. It might help if you are away from here for a while."

Alaska, perfect. Yeah because that will help. If Alice actually did care about me than maybe she won't tell anybody I will be up there. If I just happen to stop by... Get away from the tour and go out to find a coven of vampires.

"Maybe." I replied. If I got to excited he probably wouldn't let me go. Good thing he forgot that I told him they were in Alaska the last I heard.


	4. Terrified to forget

Alaska, perfect. Yeah because that will help. If Alice actually did care about me than maybe she won't tell anybody I will be up there. If I just happen to stop by... Get away from the tour and go out to find a coven of vampires.

I got up from my chair, again. I grabbed my plate and threw the ripped up piece of pizza into the garbage. I washed my plate and grabbed an ice pack. Then I headed up stairs. I stopped suddenly. "Who called before, Dad?" I asked.

"Nobody, it was a wrong number." He answered.

"Tomorrow after school I am going to go shopping, you know, so that I can have some warm clothes for Alaska." I told him as I turned back around. When I got to my room I felt a sudden cold breeze come through. I put the ice pack over my eyes and laid down. 'This is going to be a long night.' I muttered to myself. I heard the wind chimes chime from our neighbor's house.

I fell asleep, and I dreamed. I was in the dark forest behind my house, running after what I couldn't see. I kept running, but I decided to run back to the house. His car was still there and I held on to it. He came back and I was pulled off of his car. I was left alone.

I got up and got dressed in a daze. I ate some kind of pop-tart that was in the kitchen cabinet. I got in my truck and turned on the radio. Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie bought it for me on my dreaded eighteenth birthday- that no matter what I will never forget.

When I got to school I walked to trig. class and sat down next to Jessica. She didn't even look at me. I took out my binder and started taking notes. Mr. Varner passed back a test we took last week, I think. Do I even want to know? I turned the paper over and it was a big, fat D written on it. There was also a note 'Miss Swan I would like to meet with you after class'. Just my luck!, and this is only the first period of the day. When the bell finally rang I picked up my books and walked up to the teachers desk. I took a deep breath before I started. "You wanted to see me?" I asked him.

"Yes, it is about your grades."

"Listen, I have been trying my hardest. It is just really hard to concentrate, I have a lot on my mind." I told him. I haven't been trying my hardest, to be honest, but at least I am here.

"A student could tutor you, I know that Mike Newton would and he has the highest grade in the class now."

"He would love that." I muttered under my breath and rolled my eyes. "It's okay. I'll try harder." I assured him. "I have to get to my next class." I looked up at the clock and I am going to be late.

"Here." He said as he handed me a note.

"Thanks." I replied as I turned and headed towards the door at the opposite end of the room.

"Ditching once in a while is healthy" I mumbled as I walked to my truck.

Why do people have to try to help me in the first place? I prefer to suffer in silence. Nobody will ever understand anyways. How does he expect for my life to go on? He took my life with him when he left.

I started the truck and pulled on to the rode. I drove and drove. When I finally got to my destination, I realized it was not as I pictured it. I drove through the serpent like drive way up to the big white house on the river.

My nightmares would be worse tonight than any other ones I could have possibly ever had. I turned my truck off and got out. I stared up at the empty house. I carefully walked up the steps to the front door. I twisted the knob and the door opened. I stole one last look at my truck before I closed the door behind me. I took a deep breath then turned around. Everything was just as they left it. Exactly like they left it. I held onto my sides as I slowly walked up the staircase, to the second floor. I walked into Carlisle's office and there was a piece of paper. It read 'At Tanya's come when you decide to come home. We all miss you.'

Someone isn't with them? Why would Carlisle leave a note? Why didn't he just tell them? Who isn't with them?

I walked back out of the office and noticed that there was something missing. Carlisle's father's cross. I looked through one of the many windows in the hallway. The place we never have to hide. I held my sides as I fell to the ground. I cried and cried and cried. When I finally found my lungs and took a breath. I got up from the ground and went into the room which I believed to be Esme's office. I found a pad of paper.

_I know you guys don't want me in your life but all of you will always be a part of mine. You are probably wondering why I am in your house in the first place but it is because I need to know you guys are still alive, somewhere. As for how I got in, the door was unlocked. I hope at sometime, when you come back to Forks ,you won't forget me. Please don't forget me._

_- Bella_

I left the piece of paper on the table. I hope at sometime one of them will find it. It will probably be to late, I will probably already be dead but I hope they do find it and know that till the day I die I will always love all of them. Maybe they will come and find me.

No.

I can't hope for what I know will never happen. If I want something done, maybe and probably not right, I have to do it myself.


	5. Will never happen

I can't hope for what I know will never happen. If I want something done, maybe and probably not right, I have to do it myself.

I looked at the watch on my wrist. 10:27. I still have a few hours till school ends, so I can't go shopping till then. Everyone In this small little town will know I skipped school, not that I care what anybody thinks. I am a walking zombie, for crying out loud!

On the small note, I wrote **PLEASE READ**, in big bold letters.

I closed my eyes and screamed at the pain this left me. I ran down to the stairs, slammed the door to the house closed and ran as fast as I could to my truck. I should have never done that, the pain is not worth it. I tried to shake away the sudden tears and tears that were coming from my torso and eyes. I needed him back. The blood in my veins felt like acid once again. I felt like I just drank a gallon of drain-o and was puking it back up.

I laid down on the cab of my truck and sobbed. He doesn't care about me and neither do the rest of them.

An hour later- after my tears stopped flowing, and I caught my breath- I started my truck back up and drove away. I drove to the nearest clothing store, Charlie would expect me to buy something.

When I got home I parked next to Charlie's cruiser. I grabbed my bags off the passenger seat and closed the door to my truck. I walked up to the door, Charlie opened it. "Hi" I mumbled as I walked through.

"I got worried when I received a phone call from your school saying that you did not show up for class." I stopped and turned around to look at him.

"Crap." I muttered under my breath. "Ditching once in a while is healthy." I quoted.

"Who told you that?" Charlie asked me.

"He did" I answered.

"Who is 'he'?"

"Edward, dad, always Edward! The love of my life, which is now over and gone!" I replied. It hurt me to say his name, but I had to. Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward.

"Oh." Was all he could say. I turned back around and headed up to my room.

Wuthering Heights was open on the floor of my room, three words caught my eye yet again. These words hurt, hurt worse than any thing else today. "Drank his blood" I said aloud.

Apparently Charlie followed me upstairs because he heard me. "What did you say?"

What am I going to tell him? What can I tell him? "I said drank his blood." I repeated.

Luckily Charlie didn't put much thought into the subject, and was getting ready to leave. "In two days you are going to that tour in Alaska." He reminded me.

"I'm ready already." I lied and put a fake smile on my face.

The truth was, that I will never be ready. Can I stand him rejecting me if I do find him? Can I stand to see him happy with someone else? Will I be happy if he is still alone? If he hasn't moved on, just like me? What if he doesn't have the feelings for me that I do for him? Can I stand it?

Charlie left the room and closed the door. I took out my suitcase from the back of my closet- the one I used last spring to pack when I was running from James- and started packing. I stuffed my new coats into the small black bag. By the time I was done it was late and I was very tired.

I could here Charlie snoring from his room across the hall. I made sure my door was shut tightly before I changed for bed, it will help muffle my screams tonight. I made sure my window was open and laid down.

That night I didn't dream. I was numb. Maybe seeing what I feared helped numb the pain of what was lost. I woke up to a rare sunny day in Forks.


	6. Maybe my luck is changing?

That night I didn't dream. I was numb. Maybe seeing what I feared helped numb the pain of what was lost. It's just to hard to watch it all slowly fade away, I have to keep the memory of him alive. I have to go back. Forks means nothing for me without some part of him. My life, my reason, my true love.

I woke up to a rare sunny day in Forks.

I went straight to the bathroom and took a shower. I straitened my hair and got dressed.

"Someone looks happy today." Charlie noticed when I reached the kitchen. I took out a bowl and the box of cherrios. I poured in some milk and sat down across from Charlie.

"I just had a really goodnight sleep and I can't wait till tomorrow. You were right, I think I just need some time away from here." This was good. Make him think he was right.

"Well I'll be home late. A few unexpected murders popped up so I have to stay late at the station." He told me as he grabbed his police jacket and gun belt.

"I'll be here." I assured him. "Bye."

"Bye, bells." And with that, the door was closed and locked.

I seriously thought I would get grounded for skipping school, and my grades dropping, etc. But it seems like it didn't even cross his mind. Not that I go anywhere in the first place. I hope he doesn't get mad today, because I am going back.

When I finished my breakfast- which was the most I have eaten in about a week- I washed the bowl and put it back away. I found the camera Renee bought e for my birthday. I locked the door to the house and went to my truck. My truck roared to life and I backed out of the driveway. While I drove out of town I caught a few people staring at me, the zombie girl who's skipping school and going to her ex-boyfriend's house when he doesn't even live there anymore.

When I finally arrived, I turned my truck off and got out. I walked around towards the back of the house- only tripping a few times, causing me to rip a hole in my jeans. After I got up, my phone rang.

"Hello?" I asked in a scratchy voice.

"Where are you, Bella? You are suppose to be at school." Charlie screamed in my ear. These were the times I really missed the Cullens. I need Jasper to help me calm my dad down.

I sighed. "Dad I'm at the Cullens' house." I told him in a quiet voice.

"Why are you there Bella? That isn't healthy."

"I'm here because it is the only thing that keeps the nightmares away! I don't care if it is not healthy! Just leave me alone" I yelled into the little black phone. I started to cry and my dad didn't know what to say.

"You need to go to school, you're grades are slipping. You can't ditch every day." He responded after five minutes of my sobbing.

"My grades are slipping wether I go to school or not. I can assure you that he is not in school." I replied.

"I don't care about him, I care about you."

"I care about him, and I always will. I need Edward, he is my reason or everything." I said to him through my tears.

"If you don't go to school than you won't be aloud to go to Alaska." He told me in a stern voice.

"Then I'll just come here everyday." I responded. I held the end button till the phone hung up and threw it in the river. "I can't get anything right." I muttered to myself and wiped a tear from my eye.

I hope he is happy. I hope that they all are happy. I hope he has found the one, because I know for sure that he is the one. They all found their soul mates but I will never. 'Bella, I don't want you to come with me.' His voice made me feel like I was being burned alive. The pain was still here, worse than that day in the forest. I can't imagine a pain greater than this...

Why couldn't Edward just let Jasper bite me, or the venom from when James bit me spread? After all we've been trough... How could he not want me? How could he leave me here to die?!

I picked up a rock from the ground where I sat and threw it with all my force towards the large, glass back window.

_Crash. _

The sound of the glass shattering helped with the pain ever so slightly. I got up and walked towards the shattered glass, a symbol for my life, my heart, my hopes and dreams.

I wonder If they will press charges? Charlie? Carlisle? Esme? Do I _really_ care? No.

I fell on the shattered glass, tripped over my own two feet. Will Alice see this? Will she see what they left behind? Her best friend lying in shattered glass, bleeding and sobbing?

I looked at my hands, which surprisingly didn't have pieces of glass in them but were still scraped and bleeding. I got up and examined my knees and arms. Nothing.

Maybe my luck is changing?


	7. shattered glass

Maybe my luck is changing? Maybe I am just going crazy?

I guess it is good that I am not bleeding, because I am going to a house full of vampires. Vegetarians or not.

Maybe my luck isn't changing... Charlie is going to kill me when I get home. If I go home. I already have my bags packed.

I picked up my camera, which now has a small scratch on it, and turned around to take a picture of the lake behind his house. I went inside, careful not to trip again. I took a picture of me in the kitchen, of all of the offices. I also took pictures of all of the bedrooms except for one. I went back out side, through the front door, and took some pictures of my truck in their driveway. I want to leave one of those for them, so they can remember what they left behind. I don't care if they burn it. I just want them to remember someone who they told everything to, someone they all trusted, someone who cared about all of them, the person they left behind.

On the way home I dropped off the roll of film I had just took, saying I wanted the 1 hour processing. I would bring the pictures with me and leave some for them. I waited at the store for them to develop, picking out random things I could take on my trip. I paid for them and left.

By the time I reached my house it was dark outside. The lights from the living room were on. "Didn't Charlie say he would be staying late at the station tonight?" I grumbled as I parked and took the key out of the ignition. I put the pack of pictures and my camera under my arm. I slammed my door and walked up to the house.

I opened the front door as quietly as I could and tried to sneak past, but of course he caught me. "Didn't you say that you would be staying late at work?" I asked him in a sour tone.

"What's that in your hand?" He asked.

"Just some pictures..." I answered while biting my lip. "Didn't you say that you would be staying late at work?" I asked him again.

"Some neighbors said that they heard glass shatter and a girl's screams."

I blushed. "At the Cullens'?" I questioned.

"Yes, at the Cullens." He responded. "You better hope they don't press charges." He threatened.

"I already thought of that." I replied in a flat tone and rolled my eyes. "Not that they couldn't afford to fix it themselves. They deserve it after what they did to me! I kept their special secrect and this is how they repay me. By ruining my life!"

"What secrect are you talking about?"

Oops. "I can't tell you." I tried, saying the first _safe_ thing that came to mind.

"Why?"

"It's a secrect."

He didn't buy it. "Bella?" He asked in a stern voice.

I sighed. "I'm tired. I am going to bed." I told him. It was the only thing I could think of to get out of this. I didn't wait for his answer before I ran up the stairs to my room.

I slammed my door shut, for dramatic affect and stuffed my things into my suitcase. I took the note out of my back pocket and read it. Read it over and over. He is my life, how can he leave me? I read the note over and over and over. I took a deep breath to try to stop the tears from flowing. I gripped my torso, the pain was ripping through me like a chain saw. I could feel the pain from the first night all over again. Ripping, and tearing.

I finally was able to pull myself together and got up to open my window. I looked out over the street, and up at the stars that sparkled in the moonlight. I tear fell from my eye and I turned away. I cried myself to sleep, again.

Tonight I did dream. 'You...don't...want me?' I asked again and again. What hurt worse than having to live through that again was his answer that was ringing in my ears like a time bomb. 'No.' With each time he repeated that word the hole inside me grew, larger and larger. I woke up screaming.


	8. Get a room!

Tonight I did dream. 'You...don't...want me?' I asked again and again. What hurt worse than having to live through that again was his answer that was ringing in my ears like a time bomb. 'No.' With each time he repeated that word the hole inside me grew, larger and larger. I woke up screaming.

I put my pillow over my head to try to muffle my screams. The scene from my nightmare kept replaying in my head and I couldn't get it to stop.

This isn't healthy. But what can I do to stop it?

I closed my window. Till I come back, if I come back. I got dressed in a clean pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. I put one of my new jackets over that and put my knotted brown hair in a pony tail. I put on an old pair of sneakers, grabbed my suitcase and went down stairs. I didn't care to eat breakfast, and Charlie was already up- ready to bring me to the airport- so we left. Charlie locked the door and I turned around and started walking towards his cruiser. For a brief second it looked like a Volvo was parked in his spot. I screamed. Charlie rushed over to where I was standing holding my torso.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea." I said while turning around. Charlie caught my arm before I got very far.

"Bella, staying here won't help."

I winced. "You can't be sure leaving will help either." I disagreed.

He walked over to the door and opened it for me. I got in and sat down with a sigh. His car felt cold, it made me shiver which caused me to make my grip on my torso tighter.

When the overcome said that the flight is boarding, I turned back to Charlie. "I love you dad." I told him.

"I love you too, Bells." I picked up my bags and took my seat on the plane.

With my luck it figures. A girl and a guy, a little older than me were sitting next to me making out. Boyfriend and Girlfriend. "It will never last. He will dump you and then you will get depressed." I grumbled under my breath.

The painful plane ride took an unbelievably long time and the whole time there was an old version of Dracula playing on the little screens on the back of the seats. When his teeth showed a tear would drop from my eyes. The boy and girl next to me bought headphones so that they could listen to the movie. Every time something scary would happen that girl would jump, I was getting ready to get up and slap her. I couldn't even fall asleep, knowing the consequences.

The couple were apparently on the same tour as I was. I got to my hotel room and put my stuff away. I grabbed my money and the pack of pictures I brought. I went down to the lobby. I rented the fastest car available, that had a G.P.S. in it. They gave me a Volvo. A silver Volvo. When I got in the car I took out my note, not sure if I should do this. He could be happy... They could be happy... I know that I am not happy. I read the note and it gave me the strength I needed to turn the key in the ignition and get on the rode.

Okay, so I am going to Denali, Alaska. Probably looking for a very big house near the woods or something of that sort. I have no idea what there last name is, I only know one of them is named Tanya. They all are pale white and have ice cold skin.

I looked around and found a gas station, so I pulled over. There was an old man behind the counter, he looked friendly. "Excuse me, sir. I was wondering if you could tell me how to get to a very large house near some woods or something like that. A girl named Tanya lives there; she has pale white skin, butterscotch eyes, ice cold skin, very pretty." I asked in a polite voice.

"I don't know if I know what you are talking about." The man replied.

"I really need to get there. My exboyfriend and his family is there." I said and held my sides as I said exboyfriend.

"Sure." He said and handed me a piece of paper. The paper had the directions and the address to their house on it.

I plugged the address into the G.P.S. and followed the directions to her house. The house was painted white.

My heart is racing and I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself down. It didn't work. I was staring at the door for about one hour when it opened. I ducked and curled myself into a small, uncomfortable ball. I looked up about five minutes after I heard a door close. What was weir was it sounded like a car door closed.


	9. cover story

My heart is racing and I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself down. It didn't work. I was staring at the door for about one hour when it opened. I ducked and curled myself into a small, uncomfortable ball. I looked up about five minutes after I heard a door close. What was weird was it sounded like a car door closed.

I then looked at the passenger side of the car and a small white figure sat there with a huge smile on her tiny face. Her butterscotch eyes stared down at me. I screamed but her hand was over my mouth in an instant. I tried biting her hand but I don't think she even felt it. After I stopped screaming she removed her hand. "Alice!" I screamed at her. "Don't do that to me!"

She laughed a pained laugh and never took her eyes off of me. "Bella, I was starting to think you would never come." She kissed my cheek and I turned around. "What?" She asked, like I hurt her feelings.

"How could you do that to me? Did you not see me in your house, lying on the floor bleeding?" I demanded.

"Edward made us leave." She replied in a disgusted tone. I cringed and grabbed my torso, tighter than ever before. I could feel the rejection hit me in waves of powerful pain. She hugged me when she saw what her words caused. "Sorry," she mumbled.

After I recovered I couldn't stop myself from asking. "Since when do you listen to _him_?" I asked.

"He threatened to tell Carlisle something I did that would cause him to take my credit cards away." She answered and laughed her happy laugh.

"Bite me, Alice." I stared at her with disgust and pain written all over my expression. "You're credit cards are more important than your use-to-be best friend?"

"I was joking. What do you mean by use-to-be best friend?"

"I think you know pretty well." I told her. "But, I guess I forgive you."

"I know some one who wants to see you." She said with the smile back on her little pixie face.

"Who?" I asked. I knew from experience not to get my hopes up that it was _him_.

"Emmett. I told him that you were planning on coming, and he got very excited. By the way, why were you in our house?" She asked while we were getting out of the car. I handed the pictures to her and she sighed.

"Sorry about your back window." I muttered. She gave me a disapproving look and I blushed. "I was trying to get over the whole rejection by not just my boyfriend- who by the way at least said goodbye- but his entire family. And the fact that the whole town, not just me was lied to, to cover up your story- which I _almost_ let slip." I explained.

"Come on." She urged pulling my arm towards the front door.

The living room was huge with large windows on the east wall were framed with red cedar. I was about to turn around so that I could see the rest of the room when my vision was suddenly blocked.

"Guess who?" A very large and friendly vampire asked from behind me.

"Emmett." I sighed. He removed his hands from my eyes.

"How did you know?" He asked.

"Alice told me." I said with a smile on my face for the first time in months.

We sat down and talked about random things for what felt like hours. Carlisle and Esme came in from the back door.

"Why does it smell like hu- oh, hi Bella." Carlisle greeted me.

"So Carlisle, how is L.A.? I heard that you are getting paid a lot." I questioned. The room grew tense except for Alice who hugged me. Knowing the pain that them leaving caused me.

"What do you mean?" A crease formed in his marble forehead.

"Or was that just a cover story? My dad kept telling me for sure that you guys were in _sunny_ L.A., _California_." I turned to Esme. "Sorry about your back window. I left you a note in your office." Alice laughed, as did Emmett- who we told the story to, already.

"Okay..." She replied, her voice implying that she was missing something.

"It is a long story." Alice told her. I blushed and looked down at my scrapped hands.

The note in my pocket suddenly felt like it weighed 100,000 pounds. "Where is he?" I asked. If they relaxed they all got tense. "He is not here is he?" I asked in disbelief.


	10. what really happened

The note in my pocket suddenly felt like it weighed 100,000 pounds. "Where is he?" I asked. If they relaxed they all got tense. "He is not here is he?" I asked in disbelief.

Nobody answered, and the smile on Emmett's face was gone.

"When _He_ left me in the forest that night, my life ended." I started to explain, never lifting my eyes from my hands folded on my lap. "Doctors were throwing around words like catatonic. I wouldn't, no wrong word. Couldn't move, I wouldn't eat or drink or talk to anyone. When ever I slept I would have nightmares about _him_ leaving me. It was the same dream every night; 'You...don't...want me?' I asked again and again. What hurt worse than having to live through that again was his answer that was ringing in my ears like a time bomb. 'No.' With each time he repeated that word the hole inside me grew, larger and larger. I would wake up screaming. Every night I would make sure my window was open- so that if he were to come back, then he would know that I am here waiting for him and he is welcome back. My parents thought I would commit suicide, not that I hadn't thought about it; it would be the only possible way to make the pain stop. I couldn't think about him or any of you. It hurt to much." I turned to Alice. "If you were wondering why I was holding my torso, I was trying to hold myself together. With each breath I take it feels like I am being burned deeper and deeper and cut over and over till there is nothing left." I turned back to everyone else and lifted my eyes to each of theirs for a brief second. "Even after you left I still kept your secrect. Even after all of that, people asking me what was wrong. People asking why every time I felt a cold breeze I shuttered. Every time I heard one of your names or heard something that reminded me of you I cried. I still kept your little secrect. 'I just want them to remember someone who they told everything to, someone they all trusted, someone who cared about all of them, the person they left behind.' I would say over and over. My parents were thinking about putting me in a mental institution! I knew that if I told anybody anything about what was really wrong that they would put me in a padded white cell. When I finally started getting better- stopped waking up screaming at night- which was when I started going to your house and... My dad would call and yell '_it is not healthy for me to keep doing this to myself. You need to go to school, you're grades are slipping. You can't ditch every day. He would say.' _My grades are slipping wether I go to school or not. I can assure you that he is not in school. I always replied. _'I don't care about him, I care about you.' _I care about him, and I always will. I need Edward, he is my reason or everything." I pretty much finished. "I need a minute." I sobbed curling up into a ball.

Alice patted my hair. I could see Carlisle and Esme exchange worried and pained glances between each other.

"Edward left because he thought it would be safer for you if he and all of us left." Esme muttered.

"Why did _you_ listen to _him_?I thought you loved me?" I asked Carlisle and Esme. "Why would you listen to him when you know that he was wrong?"

"We do love you Bella." Esme said as she came over and gave me a hug. "He thought it would be best, you would be better off. What _are _we going to do with you?" She asked in a motherly tone.

"I don't know," I admitted in a small voice. "I have been trying my hardest... Hopefully you won't just ship me back to Forks, and forget about me."

"I don't think that is possible, Bella." Alice said with a smile.


	11. Dial tone

"We do love you Bella." Esme said as she came over and gave me a hug. "He thought it would be best, you would be better off. What _are _we going to do with you?" She asked in a motherly tone.

"I don't know," I admitted in a small voice. "I have been trying my hardest... Hopefully you won't just ship me back to Forks, and forget about me."

"I don't think that is possible, Bella." Alice said with a smile.

_____________________________A few minutes after that awkward silence_______________________________________

"Where is _Edward_?" I asked, gripping my sides.

There was no answer from anyone.

"Is he even here?" I was starting to get impatient. "The least you could do is tell me after all you put me through." I mumbled.

"No, he isn't." Carlisle answered. I looked up at his perfect face and a tear dropped from my eye. I quickly wiped it before any more started to fall.

"Where is he?" I asked, my voice was weak and it was hard to breath again.

"Somewhere in South America." Esme replied. "We are not even sure if he knows where." That answer hurt. It cut me deep and everyone could tell. Alice gave me a tight hug and when she was ready to pull away I held on to her with all my strength.

"Can we get a hold of him? I have to _here_ his voice. Does he have his phone on him?" I rushed out all of the questions in one breath.

Carlisle and Esme were giving each other worried looks, as was Emmett and Alice.

"I _have_ to talk to him." I urged.

Still the room was silent. I don't even think they were breathing. _This is bad. This is very bad._ The voice in my head repeated. I started to cry, unable to stop myself. He doesn't want me and they are just trying to break it to me nicely.

"You have no idea, Bella." Alice whispered to me. I gave her a questioning look and she frowned. " We are not going to tell you that he doesn't want you. If we were we would have told you already and kicked your butt out into the cold." She explained then laughed.

I looked around and noticed that Carlisle and Emmett were gone. "They are going to try and contact him." Esme said. But some one else was there.

"Hey, Bella." Jasper greeted me from the couch. He was sitting next to a strawberry blonde. I stared in shock, my mouth hanging open like a retard. Why are all the people here I love but don't want to talk to? All I want is Edward!

I got up and ran over to him. Who cares if he bites me? I sure don't. I gave him a hug that would probably have choked a human. He lightly pushed me away.

The girl next to him got up quietly. She came over and held out her hand. I shook her ice cold hand. "Hi, I am Tanya." She said in a high, beautiful voice. "Who are you?"

"Edward's ex-girlfriend." I mumbled. "I'm Bella." Alice grimaced.

"By the way," Alice started. "How did you get here?"

"I agreed to touring the university in Jueanu. I snuck away to find a coven of vampires." Alice smiled and I looked at her face.

"You are truly one of a kind." She laughed.

"Gee, thanks. As I was saying... I snuck away. I told Charlie that I knew where you were not in L.A. and that you were in Alaska, but luckily he forgot. The plane ride here was pure torture; They were playing an old version of Dracula the whole way there, the couple who sat next to me were a little older than me. They bought headphones to listen to the movie and every single time anything scary would happen she would jump or scream. I am telling you Alice, I was about ready to get up and slap her." They all laughed. "What about Edward?" I asked and they all stopped laughing. "Did they get a hold of him yet?"

Everyone was quiet; you could here a pin drop. "Are you trying to stall me?"

"Of course not." Jasper said. I could feel myself calm down. It was one thing having to suffer by myself, but force others to feel my pain also. That was not right. I looked up at Jasper and tried to smile. "Do you want anything to eat? You must be tired. It was a long day..." I just shook my head and he chuckled.

Alice stood up all of a sudden and dragged me to the kitchen. Carlisle held out the small phone for me and I took it.

I took a deep breath. "Hello?" I asked. All I heard was the dial tone, no one answered me.

"It was a ...a...dead end... a dial tone." I struggled to say. I handed the phone back to him and ran into Alice's arms.


	12. Romeo

Alice stood up all of a sudden and dragged me to the kitchen. Carlisle held out the small phone for me and I took it.

I took a deep breath. "Hello?" I asked. All I heard was the dial tone, no one answered me.

"It was a ...a ... dead end... a dial tone." I struggled to say. I handed the phone back to him and ran into Alice's arms.

"Everything will be okay, Bella. Everything will work out. Everything will be okay. Everything will work out." Alice repeated over and over while rubbing my back.

"How do you know? You have no idea what this feels like! You found your soul mate and you get to be with him for eternity!" I cried.

The pain inside my heart grew. It grew larger and larger, it felt like it would never stop. It just keeps growing till it consumes my entire existence. It hurt more than having glass being forced into your heart, hurt more than being burned alive. It hurt worse than your first boyfriend leaving, he was my soul mate and he really _didn't_ want me. The pain was so unbearable that it could only be eased by death, because I knew that he would never come back.

"Bella! You can't do that." Alice yanked me back and stared me straight in the eyes.

I ever met her gaze, keeping my eyes on the ground. "I won't live without him. The pain will just keep growing till it consumes my entire existence. The pain is unbearable and can only be eased by... death, he doesn't want me and is never coming back." I told her.

"I won't let you kill yourself Bella." Alice screamed at me.

"Wait, Bella is going to pull a Romeo?" Emmett asked.

I ignored him. "Let go of me, Alice." I said trying to yank away from her grasp. "I can't wait any longer. Tell my parents I loved them." I mumbled as I tried to walk away.

"I won't let you stab yourself." Alice said, grabbing my hand. "We all are here for you."

"I'll just get a paper cut. Come in here after you guys haven't hunted for a few weeks and you guys will do the job for me." I turned to Jasper and winked.

"No..." Esme cried.


	13. Juilet, I can't live without

**Come, gentle night; come, loving, black-browed night;  
Give me my Romeo; and, when I shall die,  
Take him and cut him out in little stars,  
And he will make the face of heaven so fine  
That all the world will be in love with night...**  
—_Romeo and Juliet_ Act III scene ii

Edward's POV

My phone vibrated next to me. I tried to ignore it but who ever it was wouldn't leave me alone. I unwillingly picked it up. Carlisle. I guess I owe him this, it must be important...

"What do you want?" I growled.

"Bella came and found us" He started.

"Bella came or Alice and Emmett went and brought her back?" I interrupted. How could they do this? I want Bella to have a life... Have a chance at _real_ happiness.

"Bella came," Carlisle answered. "She has not been doing very good. She needs to talk to you..." I heard footsteps in the background and a frantic, pounding heartbeat.

She took a deep breath. "Hello?"

I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I thought I was strong but I can't be without her. I have to do something... Save my soul but take hers? Let her live or ruin my life?

I heard some people talking in Spanish or Portugese, or something ( I don't really care) downstairs.

"Es más yo mismo que yo. Independientemente de nuestras almas están hechas de, y su mina son los mismos." A woman told her friend.( He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same).

I have to do something... I have to do something... I have to do something... I have to do something... I have to do something... I have to do something... I have to do something... I have to do something... but what?


	14. poison

... different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire...

-Wuthering Heights

Bella's POV:

Alice was sitting next to me on the couch rubbing my back. Jasper was trying to calm me down, but he couldn't. "Why would he hang up? I don't want to live without him." I told her.

"Everything will work out. Everything will be okay." Alice reassured me.

"Shut up Alice! I am tired of you being so optimistic all the time. My life is over. When he left he took parts of me that can not be fixed unless I see him again." I told her. I started to cry again. "He has no idea what this feels like. All the pain I am going through, the tears I have shed for him day after day. He probably has a new girlfriend who gets to look into his beautiful eyes everyday. He probably is happy." I said through my tears, which Alice wiped from my face.

"He isn't happy, Bella. He is miserable." She revealed. The shock of what she just said stopped my tears from flowing. My mouth hung open as I stared into her golden eyes. "He loves you, Bella."

"Then why did he say he didn't?" I questioned.

"He thought you would be better off, but he was way off there." She answered. "He does want you. He really, truly does."

It took me a while to absorb that all in. He does want me.

"Why hasn't he come, then?" I challenged.

"I am not sure, Bella." She responded, a crease formed into her perfect forehead.

I yawned and she lifted me up. We ran up the stairs at inhuman speed. When she put me down in some bedroom I tumbled down to he ground before she could catch me. My head hit the floor with a loud thud. "How could you not see that coming?" I asked her as I stumbled onto my feet while rubbing my head.

"Sorry." she mumbled as she went to the closet to get me a t-shirt and sweat pants. She left the room while I put on the one-size-to-big pajamas, right when I finished the door opened and she came back in.

I crawled into bed and she sat on the bench at the end of the bed. My stomach growled. "Are you hungry?" She asked in a concerned tone.

"No." I told her than laid my head down on the soft feather filled pillow. I soon drifted off to sleep and got my first good night of sleep in ages.

That night I saw myself laying on the floor with a glass of what looked like poison in my hand. Edward came in and looked at me, "Bella?" He asked in a deep voice. He checked my pulse and fell to the floor. "Bella? Bella! Wake up Bella!" Someone was shaking me and I opened my eyes to see Alice, Carlisle, and Esme.

"Are you okay?" Esme asked. I suddenly felt worried, what ad I said? Had I screamed?

I shook my head, trying to clear it. "Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?" I asked in a horse voice.

"You were screaming and thrashing around like crazy." Alice answered.

I slowly sat up, took a deep breath and blinked a few times. I wiped my eyes."I just had a bad dream. It's natural." I explained.

"This happens every night." I assured them.

"Bella you have never been like this before." Alice disagreed.

"Since Edward and all of you left." I clarified.


	15. silent night

I defy you, stars!

-Romeo

Alice's POV

Bella laid in bed and I sat at the foot of the bed. Her stomach growled. "Are you hungry?" I asked her.

"No" She answered quickly. She fell asleep then.

I just watched her sleep, scared that if she were to wake up that she would get scared. I feel bad for Carlie, not only for what we put Bella through that he had to watch hopelessly, but for lying for him. They deserved better.

Bella screamed, a loud shriek and started tossing and turning. She screamed again. "Carlisle?" I yelled. Him and Esme were up there in a second.

"What happened, Alice?" Carlisle asked me.

I still haven't taken my eyes off Bella since that last shriek. "Look." I said pointing at Bella's thrashing body.

He walked over to her and lightly shook her. "Bella?" He asked. "Bella? Bella! Wake up, Bella." He said. He turned to Esme. "All the things one has tried to forget scream for help in dreams."

I understood what he said in an instant. "Edward." I whispered.

They both turned to me, as if to question what I meant. Carlisle nodded.

Bella woke up. "Are you okay?" Esme asked as she stroked Bella's cheek.

She shook her head. "Yeah, I'm fine. What happened?" She asked.

"You were screaming and thrashing around like crazy." I answered. Her heart was beating frantically.

She wiped her eyes as she sat up. ."I just had a bad dream. It's natural." Bella tried to explained. "This happens every night." She assured them.

"Bella you have never been like this before." I disagreed. This is not Bella's normal.

"Since Edward and all of you left." She clarified.

I gave her a hug and helped her out of bed. Esme and Carlisle seemed to relax and were standing in the doorway. "Come down when you're ready, Bella. I'll make breakfast." Esme told her. I nodded and they closed the door behind them.


	16. Thirsty

Bella's POV:

"Death is easy, peaceful. Life is harder." I argued with Alice again.

"Bella, even if you die, and go to heaven, there is no way to know for sure that he will be there." She shot back.

"Heaven holds nothing for me without him there, except a brief escape from the pain."

"Bella!" She yelled. "I am tired of your negativity! I can't stand it anymore. EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE! IT WILL ALL WORK OUT!"

I sat back down at the table and tried to eat the breakfast Esme cooked for me.

A single fact can spoil a good argument. The best defense against an atom bomb is to not be there when it goes off. He left, she says he cares... Sure I can't know for sure that I will find him in heaven, but I can't be sure I will ever find him again here.

I wiped my eyes before anyone could see me crying. I looked up to see Alice had sat down next to me, and Esme right beside her. I took a deep breath and tried to slow my rapidly pounding heart. I picked up my fork and put a mouthful of what looked like eggs into my mouth. "This is really good." I complimented her in a dull, coarse voice. "This is the most I have eaten in months. I wish Charlie cooked this good." Charlie. I suddenly looked up, I need to call Charlie _before_ he calls the school or police if he already called the school. "Could I use the phone?" I asked Alice. "I need to call Charlie." I rushed out.

She dashed to the long, butcher block counter top and grabbed the phone and handed it to me. "Here."

I dialed my home phone and he answered on the first ring. "Hello?" He asked, his voice sounded as if he hadn't slept since I saw him last.

"Dad? It's Bella. I am sorry I didn't call." I turned to Alice. "I kind of got distracted... A few things popped up that I couldn't miss out on." I told him.

"Where are you calling from?" He asked in a stern, demanding tone.

Alice nodded in encouragement. "Tanya's house." I answered.

"Who is that? Did you meet them at your school?" He urged.

"A... friend." I replied. Truth be told that I just met her and I don't even think of us as an acquaintance.

"I don't want you to see the Cullens. I remembered as the doors to the plane closed. I don't want you to get hurt even more, to have to go through all of that pain again. Edward can go burn in a hole and die for doing that to you. Do you hear me? I don't want you to see any of the Cullens, especially him." He yelled into the phone.

A tear ripped through my heart. I feel like Juliet, not being allowed to see Romeo. But my Romeo doesn't want to see _me_. I gripped my sides and Alice put her stone cold arm around my shoulders. She nodded again and I laid my head on her shoulder.

"Dad... Tanya is Edward's cousin. Everyone is here" I started.

"Is he there ? Put that inconsiderate jerk on the phone." He interrupted.

"Everyone Is here except him. He is somewhere in Brazil." I revealed. "I'll call you back later... Bye." I said as I pushed end and handed the phone back to Alice. Alice put the phone down on the table and hugged me tighter. "He knows I love him, how could he say that?" I asked her.

"Seeing what happened to you last night, I don't blame him. Seeing that night after night all because of him would make me mad, too." She answered.

After a few minutes of silence and tears I took another bite of my breakfast. Alice and Esme were talking about something that I didn't have the strength or brain power to try to uncover what it is. I bit my lip and felt blood rush into my mouth.

I opened my mouth and the second I did Alice and Esme turned their heads to look at me. I looked into their eyes; hurt, thirst, desire to help, silence.


	17. My persanol nightmare

I bit my lip and felt blood rush into my mouth. I opened my mouth and the second I did Alice and Esme turned their heads to look at me. I looked into their eyes; hurt, thirst, desire to help, silence. I got up and walked around them towards the sink. Alice gave me a cup which I filled with water. I took a big sip and washed it down the sink.

"Do you have a death wish Bella? Because if you EVER do that again I will kill you." Alice threatened. I took another sip of ice cold water and went to sit down. Esme was over by the sink pouring strait bleach, from what it smelt like, down the drain and was scrubbing the sides of it also.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

Jasper came in about two minutes later. He opened the sliding glass door and a cool breeze rushed in towards me. I cringed as I shivered violently, for I was wearing a t-shirt and sweats. Alice dashed up stairs and was back down in a second. "Close the door Jazz." She ordered as she gave me a jacket. "Did you bring any clothes?" She asked me when my teeth stopped chattering.

I shook my head no. "I left them at my hotel room." I added.

With that she grabbed my arm and dragged me up the stairs, only causing me to trip once. She sat me down on a cold, metal chair. She let go of my arm and started digging through some cabinets, pulling out brushes and combs, etc. My eyes widened in horror when I noticed what she was doing.

"I will catch you if you run." She responded as she took out some makeup and waterproof mascara.

I slumped back down in my seat. _I have been through worse, I can handle this._ I kept chanting to myself. Alice started slowly brushing my hair, removing the knots and such. After about an hour my hair was soft and shiny and Alice had a big smile painted across her face. "I have a feeling you missed playing Bella Barbie." I questioned.

"You are sooooooooooooo right." She replied. She put some green colored goo on my face that smelt like mint and then washed it off and put on mascara and makeup.

When she was finished I stood up and looked in the mirror. "Why?" Was all I could say.

She grabbed my arm and dragged me down the hall to someone's bedroom. She started running from the dresser to the closet and throwing random pieces of clothing on the bed next to me till it, and me were covered. She dug me out and set me in front of a full length mirror. She came over and dressed me in some outfit, being careful not to mess up my hair and make up. I was to scared to look in the mirror. "Do you just bring clothing that fits me perfectly everywhere you go?" I asked her. "Or did you see me coming?"

"Edward told me not to look for your future. 'We've done enough damage.'" She quoted Edward's voice perfectly. I grabbed my sides as I fell to the floor sobbing. "Jasper" she yelled.

"No, I don't want him to feel this." I tried to get out through my tears.

"Don't be silly Bella." Alice disagreed and sat next to me on the ground. She put her arms around me and I leaned on her hard shoulder. Jasper came in and shut the door quietly. I could barely see through my tears but it looked like he sat down on the bed. "Jasper?" Alice asked as she was pointing at me.

"Sorry, you have to feel this." I muttered to Jasper. I could feel him trying to calm me down, but it wasn't working.

"It's okay." He tried to comfort me. He still wouldn't come within 3 ft of me unless some one else was there. I didn't blame him for anything that happened, it was my fault. I was and am not good enough for him. He is perfect. Thinking of him sent a tear through my torso and I cried out.

I saw Alice and Jasper talking about something but it was to hard to pay attention through all the pain I was in.


	18. monster

The same day but somewhere in Brazil, Edward's POV:

In Alaska, it's about 7:30. _She_ is there with Alice and _My_ family. They are probably making it worse, harder for her to move on. Trying to get her to want me back, maybe. She could have moved on? Carlisle probably just doesn't want me to get mad at Alice and Emmett.

Fo the first time in my existence, I am in pain. Not just normal pain, not even the burning of being born or thirst. Pure, unconcentrated physical pain. It dug deep into me causing my frame to shake violently. I tried to take in a deep breath but it felt like a razor blade running down my throat. I deserve this pain. _I_ did this to _her_, so they say. I broke her heart and left her there crying. I_ am_ a monster. The deepest, vilest monster around. I tell I love her, I want her to be with me but I leave her.

I can't bring myself to think of her. Her smile when I came over at night, when I picked her up for school in the morning. I left it all behind, and I don't think it is helping either of us. I can't think of _her_ without wincing in pain , I can't even look myself in the mirror.

A breeze blew in threw a crack in the ceiling and I could smell a human's blood oozing out of a cut. The burn in my throat ached and I took it with pleasure. I haven't hunted in about a month or more. I could remember the burn in my throat the first day, when I sat next to he in Biology. My unbeating heart ached at the thought of her. She was the highlight of my life and now she is the cause of my pain. My eyes were probably a pitch, emotionless, black. I haven't moved an inch in a month. My thirst forced me up and I followed the scent. I stayed in the shadows for the sun was shining high over head. I saw the cause of my aching throat. He had messy brown hair and tan skin. I creped up behind him and was bending down to stick my teet that were dripping with venom into his warm throat.

This is the reason I left _her._ I ran back and far away as fast as I could possibly go, ashamed that it came to that. I ran into some forest far away. I hunted. Hunted and hunted till I couldn't fit any more blood into me. I drank so many animals that I lost track.

I tried to run away and that failed miserably, I tried to live but couldn't. Tried to move on, but she is all I can think about. All my family wanted was for me to be happy. Now I am miserable. No, worse than that, there are not even words to compare. My life is over. It was so hard being around perfectly matched soul mates knowing that they will be together for ever. My soul mate will live a happy, fulfilling life. If I have to go through this so that she will be happy, then let it be.


	19. The other woman

Back in Alaska, the same day/night. Bella's POV:

"It's okay." He tried to comfort me. He still wouldn't come within 3 ft of me unless some one else was there. I didn't blame him for anything that happened, it was my fault. I was and am not good enough for him. He is perfect. Thinking of him sent a tear through my torso and I cried out.

I saw Alice and Jasper talking about something but it was to hard to pay attention through all the pain I was in. "Do you think he will go for it?" Jasper asked.

"I have no idea. All we can do is hope." Alice answered.

"I agree. What did Esme think?"

Alice rubbed my back and I tried to slow my breathing. "She knew we had to do something, from the second she saw her cry and scream in pain. Esme thinks that we should go through with this, apparently he isn't coming back around." I cringed when I figured out about what they are talking about. Alice looked at me straight in the eyes. "So much for waterproof mascara." She said.

The tall blonde vampire, Tanya, walked in( always at the times when I am at my worst). "How could Edward do this? She obviously loves him, he is stubborn pigheaded controlling ass." Tanya said. "I feel your pain, Bella. That ass turned me down too. Maybe there is some defect in his genetic make up. He's probably gay, I mean you don't turn this down." She pointed to her flawless body. I tried to laugh but it sounded like a helpless cry. I remembered I was not the only one he turned down.

"But he was my stubborn, controlling, pigheaded ass." I mumbled. "And I love him." Her words hurt, I felt the pain from the separation twice, once for her and once for me.

The sun set outside and we were all sitting in the dark. "I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed." I said as I stood up. Alice got up more gracefully than I did and showed me which room I slept in. Tonight she gave me a frilly pair of lace pajamas. I just shook my head as she forced them on me. "Can I call Charlie?" I asked as I sat on the bed and wrapped the comforter around me.

"Sure, Bella." She said as she took a phone off the bedside table.

I dialed and he answered. "Hello? Bella is that you?" He asked in a rough voice.

"Yeah dad, it's me. I just called to say goodnight." I told him.

"Bella, you sound like you have been crying. Are you okay?" He asked in an alarmed tone.

I took a deep breath and turned my face away from Alice to the window. "I'm fine." I lied. I felt like I had been burned alive and then someone drained the life out of me. "I'm tired, bye."

"Wait Bells..." He started but I hung up. I handed the phone back to Alice and laid my head down.

"Goodnight." I muttered and she said the same.


	20. What i need most

"**What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels."**

Bella's POV:

"Goodnight." I muttered and she said the same.

That night I had one of the worst dreams of all. Edward was standing in our meadow, the sun was shining and I could see his skin sparkle like diamonds. When he looked at me there was nothing in his liquid topaz eyes, they were empty. He looked past me into the one opening of our meadow. When I heard footsteps I turned to see a blonde vampire run into his open arms faster than I could see. He smiled my crooked smile and kissed her. He kissed her harder than he has ever kissed me. I saw light, happiness, and love in his eyes. He was happy, and they get to be with each other for ever. He lifted her into his stone hard arms and started to run away with her. I tried to follow him and call for him but he didn't even turn to acknowledge my existence. "Edward!" I screamed so loud that it woke me up. Tears were streaming from my eyes down my warm cheeks and there was nothing to do to stop it.

I tried to lock the nightmare away, but it was still vivid in my memory. I tried to focus my vision on the vampires running through my room, and the two that were trying to comfort me but all I could see was her in his arms. Carlisle was checking to make sure nothing was wrong and Alice & Jasper were running around the room packing something, it looked like. Esme was rubbing my back. I couldn't breath for my tears were choking me. I blinked and cringed away from the blackness. I sat up and Alice ran over to turn the lights on.

"Go find him." A voice ordered. The shock of the familiar, velvet voice pushed me out of my daze. I tensed, I know that he isn't here but at the moment we felt close.

"Bella? Bella snap out of it." Alice said. "I think she is in shock. Maybe you should slap her." I refocused my vision on her. My head was cloudy and it took me a second to remember how to breath. The phone rang and Esme answered it.

"Hello?"She asked. I heard babbling and then Esme took the phone from her ear and held it out towards me. "Bella, its for you." She told me and I reluctantly took it from her hand. I was suddenly terrified. What if it is him? Would she have told me first? Could I handle it?

"Hello?" I asked.

To my relief I didn't hear his velvety voice on the other end. My mom was the one to answer, Renee. "Bella, what are you doing there? You have to come home. Phil and I are moving to Florida per mentally and Charlie agreed that it would be best if you came with us." She stated. My mouth fell to the floor and I started crying.

"I'm not leaving. I would never move to Florida! You guys don't control me, I am a legal adult. You don't know what's best for me." I practically screamed into the phone. "You have never been through this! You have no idea!" I pushed the end button on the phone and buried my face into my arms. Was this what Charlie was trying to tell me last night? When I closed my eyes I saw them but I couldn't move. I was numb. I heard yelling from Alice. I felt people shake me. I wouldn't move, couldn't. Someone threw a cold glass of water on me, probably Emmett, but I didn't budge. How could my parents think that was best for me? I wish I could tell them the real reason but I know that I never will be able to, especially if I want the Cullens back in my life. I felt someone shake me again but I didn't move, I kept my head in my hands and my arms wrapped around my legs. My eyes are still closed watching her look into Edward's butterscotch eyes and his crooked smile as he watched her. I could feel tears run from my eyes but I stayed frozen. My love, life, meaning... over.

How could everyone act so normal, like nothing was wrong except for me; frozen, crying, in an unbelievable amount of pain. They acted like I was their main concern, but why? They left me and know they all seem to care so much. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn to hours, hours to days.

Edward let go of her and just took her hand. They slowly walked out of our meadow, hand in hand, and I just stood there staring after them.

I screamed out in pain. Tears were streaming from my eyes. Esme turned me over and someone broke my hold around my legs, causing me to remove my hands from over my eyes. I still kept my eyes closed, wondering if there was a way to make this horrible nightmare end, for him to come back. I heard the door open and close, I believe Jasper couldn't stand this pain anymore. At least he could leave, get away from this. I was trapped in an endless black hole that will stay with me till the day I die, and probably after.


	21. pain and misery

The same morning in Jasper's POV:

I followed Alice's instructions, packing every piece of clothing that she gave me into a suitcase.

"Edward!" Bella screamed. I could feel hurt and pain coming from her in waves that would probably kill a normal person. Tears started flowing from her eyes. Alice ran over to turn on the lights. Bella was staring straight ahead at the wall. She barely noticed Esme and Carlisle trying to comfort her and see if anything was wrong. Alice pulled me out of my trance and handed me a handful of clothes which I shoved into the suitcase. It sounded like it was hard for her to breath, like she was choking on tears. She tried to blink but cringed suddenly. Alice handed me another handful of clothes. Bella sat up but suddenly froze.

"Bella? Bella snap out of it." Alice said. "I think she is in shock. Maybe you should slap her." Bella suddenly looked up at her. Everyone in the room was watching Bella when the phone rang.

Esme answered it quickly, never removing her gaze from Bella. "Hello?"She asked. I heard babbling and then Esme took the phone from her ear and held it out towards Bella. "Bella, its for you." She told her and she reluctantly took it from her hand.

Bella took a deep breath then put the small phone to her ear. "Hello?" She asked in a scratchy voice. I tried to make her calm so that she could talk but it felt like she was refusing my power. There was a pause while whoever it was answered her. "I'm not leaving. I would never move to Florida! You guys don't control me, I am a legal adult. You don't know what's best for me." Bella practically screamed into the phone. "You have never been through this! You have no idea!" She pushed the end button on the phone and buried her face into her arms.

"Bella" Alice screamed. Bella didn't budge. I tried to shake her but she wouldn't move. Emmett ran in with a glass of water and threw it on her. I ran over and smacked him. Esme shook her again, but she stayed frozen. She kept her eyes closed and her arms wrapped around her legs.

A few minutes later, Bella screamed out in pain. I could feel it radiating off of her. Tears were streaming from her eyes once again. Carlisle broke her hold around her legs and Esme laid her down. The pain from Bella made me fall to my knees. I struggled to get up and walked out of the room. Once I got out I ran down stairs. I grabbed my cell phone and darted out the glass doors. I ran into the forest, as far away from the house I could be. I found Rosalie in her cabin a few miles away.

"What happened this time?" She asked in a hiss as I entered. I could feel her hostility and I could _still_ feel Bella's pain. How anyone could live through that day after day after day was beyond me.

"I think she had a dream about him again. I know you hate her but you have to feel sorry for her, and her dad. I can't imagine what her dad had to go through, it is hard for Esme and Carlisle but at least they know what is going on." I mused.

"I guess." Rosalie agreed.

"I think you should go talk to her." The look Rosalie gave me made me shudder. "She needs someone, someone who can help. I think that _you_ can help. She needs someone who has been rejected by him. She actually needs _him, _which we are working on, but you'll do for know."

"You better get this straight, he rejected me because he is gay!" She growled and then walked over to the mirror and fixed her hair. I rolled my eyes and walked out of the room.

My cell phone rang and I answered it on the first ring. Alice. "Did you get her to agree?" she rushed out. I could hear Bella's sobbing in the background.

"Why even ask? You already know the answer." I told her.

"So yes?"

"Yes" I agreed.


	22. Complications

**A/N: If you have ANY ideas at all of dreams or things that could happen to Bella please share. I am running out of ideas. **

**Please review and tell me which point of view you like most.**

Bella's POV:

"Come on Bella." Esme said, trying to get me up from the bed.

"Leave me alone." I muttered. Not that anybody really cares what I think. Someone picked me up from the bed and we were running down the stairs. Edward is the only one who use to ever carry me. I grabbed my torso and could feel the tears rip through it. When Alice put me down I fell to the ground.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked right before I fainted.

Everything went black, I slipped off the edge I was holding on to. It was so peaceful. I could still feel the pain but it was bearable. This pain I could live with. It was what I wanted all along, if I couldn't have him that is. Black. Not confusing, but understandable and bearable.

Easy come, easy go. "Will she be okay?" I could hear Esme's frantic cries.

"She will be fine. Her mind needs to protect itself." Carlisle answered. I could feel Carlisle's fingers on my wrists, checking my pulse.

But he was wrong. My mind was not protected. I was trapped in the knowledge that had stayed with me even through unconsciousness. The pain that was there all the time. That is here now. The part of me that Edward took. My soul, reason, everything. But there wasn't anything I could do about it. I couldn't concentrate on anything but the pain that would be with me always. The agony was so strong, there was no possible way to escape it.

"It's been 3 minutes." Esme sounded worried and anxious.

"She'll come around when she is ready." He assured everyone. A few minutes later I found my way back. My eyelids fluttered and I opened them. "Bella?" Carlisle called me.

I turned my head to him and tried to sit up. "What happened?" I asked and looked around the room to see 6 vampires crouched down surrounding me.

"You fainted, honey." Esme said and helped me to my feet. I got up to fast and felt a little light headed, I fell into her arms. She helped me stand up again and Emmett laughed. I would have said something to him but I didn't have the energy. I turned to look at Carlisle who just as I turned smacked Emmett.

"How do you feel Bella?" Carlisle asked in a tense voice as he took a step toward me.

I blinked and tried to clear my head. "I don't know." I admitted.

"Well lets go." Rosalie spoke for the first time.

"What? Where?" I asked in a rush.

"Nowhere for you to worry about." Alice said as she grabbed my arm and dragged me out the door. "Jazz, you ride with Rosalie and Emmett. I'll ride with Bella with Carlisle and Esme." Alice ordered.

I could care less, I just wanted to get in the car before Alice and Jasper kiss goodbye. I slid in on the cool black seat in the back and Alice slid in after me. Esme and Carlisle sat in the front and then we were off. Jasper, Emmett, and Rose took off before we did. I leaned my head on Alice's shoulder. She would have put her arm around me if it weren't for the winter coat she put me in.

I looked out the window about an hour later. There was a sign that read You are now entering Jueanu. "Where are we going?" I asked again.

"Stop worrying Bella. We'll tell you when we get there." Alice told me.

"I'm tired of your surprises, Alice." I told her.

"This one you will really like." She replied.

I raised my eyebrow. "That's what you said about my 18th birthday." I shuddered at the reminder of the disastrous events that happened because of that one party.

Carlisle parked out side of an airport. We all got out and he handed us a ticket. I read where the destination was for. Port Angeles. "I am **not** going back to Forks without him." I assured Carlisle.

"Wrong one." He handed me another one. "This one is for after." I was really confused. I looked down at the destination of the new ticket, Brazil.

"What's in Brazil?" I asked.

"Where have you been?" Alice asked me.

"I don't have to answer that." I muttered. She smiled and gave me a hug.

"Everything will be fine." She said.


	23. nothing

**A/N: If you have ANY ideas at all of dreams or things that could happen to Bella please share. I am running out of ideas. **

**Please review and tell me which point of view you like most.**

"I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up."

Edward's POV:

The same as everyday for the past month. I can still feel the pain as strong as the first day, if not worse. She is all I think about. This sucks! I can't eat. I can't sleep. Is love suppose to hurt so?

If I leave now, go find her, there is a great chance that she is happy and wouldn't except me. She is probably happy with a boy that will be good for her.

"Bella came. She has not been doing very good. She needs to talk to you..." Carlisle's voice echoed in my head. What if my leaving hadn't done anything for her? What if all of this was so that I would come home?

I closed my eyes, trying to subside the pain that has overcome me. But all I see is her. There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right. She was all alone, she was the only one I truly loved, the one I left. She looked in pain.

I got up from the ground in the forest where I was sleeping and ran. I have no idea where I am planning on going, but I can't stay here. I ran fast. Faster than ever before. I could feel the wind through my hair. At the end of the long row of trees I was running through was a tall brunette. Her back was to me and she had very pale human skin. I stopped suddenly. Was it Bella? Could my life come back together that fast? I could feel all the pain from the last month vanish.

"Bella!" I screamed.

The girl turned around with a confused look on her face. _Who is that guy talking to?_ She thought as she looked around to find that there was no one with us within 10 miles.

This isn't Bella.

I could feel the pain come back. It came back in fierce waves that shook my frame violently. I miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day. But today isn't a normal day. I couldn't see anything but her face. Her long brown hair, her beautiful brown eyes. I could see her blush. But most of all I could see her face when I told her the lie of not wanting her, not loving here. I can see her tears roll of her face. I could see what a monster I am. I deserve this pain. _I_ did this to _her_, so they say.

I could feel someone come up behind me. "Are you okay?" Someone, probably a girl, came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.

I growled.

I turned around to see the face of the girl. She had long brown hair, blue eyes and had a concerned look on her face. I smiled and showed me teeth. She backed away. "I hope you feel better anyways." She muttered then took off running in the opposite direction from me.

_Good_. I thought. I came here to be alone, lessen the pain of my one true love, but where ever I go the memory of her haunts me. "If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I wouldn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will." I whispered. Wherever Bella is I hope she knows that I never wanted to hurt her, just the opposite. I wanted to keep her safe. But look what it has done to me! What if they were right, saying that she was in pain and really wants me? What if they just want me to come back home, wherever my home is. I could see them saying that. Rosalie, and Alice, and Esme and Carlisle.

What if she really wants me?

I tried to run away and that failed miserably, I tried to live but couldn't. Tried to move on, but she is all I can think about. All my family wanted was for me to be happy. Now I am miserable. No, worse than that, there are not even words to compare. My life is over. It was so hard being around perfectly matched soul mates knowing that they will be together for ever. My soul mate will live a happy, fulfilling life. If I have to go through this so that she will be happy, then let it be.


	24. Talk like nothin' wrong

**A/N: If you have ANY ideas at all of dreams or things that could happen to Bella please share. I am running out of ideas. Please review and tell me which point of view you like most.** **I need 10 reviews before I write the next chapter...**

Let's talk like nothin' is wrong

Bella's POV:

There was an awkward silence from everyone for about one hour. The plane sat idle on the tarmac while the flight attendants strolled casually down the isles.

"Would you like anything to drink?" A short brunette attendant asked Emmett and Jasper.

"I probably shouldn't." Emmett said with a smile, which caused me to laugh, a quiet painful cry if anybody heard it.

The lady asked Alice the same question and she turned to me. I shook my head. "I'll have a coke." Alice said with a smile. I rolled my eyes and she laughed. The lady handed her a coke.

"Here you go miss."

"Thank you." Alice said and handed it to me.

"You asked for it, why do I have to drink it?" I asked.

"Drink it or I will drink you." I turned back around so that I was facing foward and took a sip.

"Bite me, Alice." I muttered.

The silence returned when, at last, the plane rolled lazily from the gate, building speed with a gradual steadiness that tortured me further.

"Will someone_ please_ tell me why we are going to Brazil?" I asked.

Everyone turned to look at me, Rosalie seemed to glare because of my slowness of catching on. "No." Alice said with an evil smile on her face.

I narrowed my eyes to glare at her. "Then I will tell the flight attendants that you are kidnaping me and threatened to drink me, you cannibal!" I told her, quiet enough that no one on the plane heard me. She put her cold arm around me.

"You wouldn't." Emmett said.

"Watch me." I threatened. Alice shook her head and Emmett cringed.

"That's evil." He said turning back around.

"I could come up with worse." I said and took another drink of my coke.

"To find him." Rosalie blurted out, answering my question from before.

"Why?" I asked. I could feel the pain coming back. I shook violently and I was having a hard time breathing.

"That's why." She answered, referring to the state I was in.

Alice left her arm around me, but let her head fall back against the seat and closed her eyes. She pressed her free hand to the side of her face, rubbing her temple. She became motionless and I wasn't even sure if she was breathing. "She is seeing where he is." Jasper explained, probably sensing my confusion.

I fought back against the pain the best I could but it slowly consumed me. Tears started to rip through my torso and fall from my eyes. How can they act like nothing is wrong? I started shaking and someone behind me, probably Esme, put her hands on my shoulders trying to calm me down. When a flight attendant passed she gave me a weird look, and Emmett growled at her. Jasper was trying to calm me down, but I could still feel the ain under the calm. It was and always will be there. Bubbling, growing, consuming. I wiped the tears from my eyes once I regained control of myself. Esme sat back down in her seat and Alice stayed in the exact same position as before, though she dropped her arm to her side. Jasper and Emmett were watching some movie, and Rosalie looked uncomfortable. She was staring out the window and kept glancing back in my direction every few minutes.

She finally looked at me in the eyes. "I don't know if I can do this." She muttered, almost to fast for me to hear.

"Do what?" I asked. In the mean time, the flight attendant brought me another coke which I slowly drank down. I lost track of how many I have drank, but that didn't slow me down. "The loss of sugar in my system is catching up with me." I said to no one imparticular.

"Do you have an eating disorder Bella?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know, ask the doctor." I said, turning around to look at Carlisle.

"I think you do." He answered.

I turned back around to face Emmett. "That's the least of my problems."

"Rosalie?" Jasper questioned.

"I can't. I don't know what to say." She replied.

"You need to." Jasper replied.

"It's not my job, it isn't even my fault."

"You can help her."

"I am probably the last person that can help her." Rosalie mumbled.

"Figure it out for yourself."


	25. Family meeting

**A/N: I need 10 reviews before I write and publish the next chapter. I want to thank lynntjax for this chapter, she gave me the idea!**

Before the plane trip, this chapter is a flashback

Carlisle's POV:

Esme was with Bella, while the rest of the family and I (excluding Edward) were seated at the dinning room table. Alice cleared her throat, for we were all in separate conversations. "You all better shut up! This is important." Alice yelled over all of the commotion.

"The floor is yours." I nodded towards Alice .

"Thank you. . . I am not sure how to put this. . . From the state that Bella, and Edward for that matter are in, this can't wait much longer. Obviously we need to do something about them. . . Edward is trying to act strong, the reason he hung up, and Bella is way past that. . . They need to be together, and I came up with a plan for that." Alice stated.

Jasper came up to stand next to her and hold her hand. "They need to be reunited. They can't live without one another, and I think you can all see that." Jasper continued where Alice left off. Everyone nodded, including me.

Alice was having the hardest time with this whole situation. Bella was her best friend, sister. Edward is her favorite brother. And she is stuck in the middle of it. Everybody was having a hard time with this situation, but that is nothing compared to what Alice has to go through. She saw the pain Bella was in twice, she saw it before it happened and when it actually does. There was nothing any of us could do about it, and I could tell she thought part of it was her fault. Esme's had it hard to, being a mother and seeing so many of her children in pain(We already think of Bella as one of our children), and not being able to do anything about it. Jasper had to feel everyone's pain, including his wife's and Bella's.

"Do you know where he is now?" I asked Alice.

Her face went blank and when she came back she shuddered. "Curled up in some dark corner of someone's attic, somewhere in Brazil." She whispered.

"Run, swim, or fly?" I asked.

"Fly." Jasper answered. "It will be most comfortable for Bella." We all nodded in agreement.

"When?" Rosalie questioned.

"As soon as possible." Jasper muttered.

"I'll get on it." I said, getting up and walking to one of the available computers in the house.


	26. Guilt

**A/N: If you have ANY ideas at all of dreams or things that could happen to Bella please share. I am running out of ideas. The italics are the visions Alice is having. . .**

Back on the plane in Alice's POV:

I drowned out all of the commotion around me, laying my head on the back of my seat and curling my legs up to my chest. I was absent mindlessly rubbing my temples.

"_Bella!" Edward screamed. The girl turned and looked around to find out who he was talking to. Edward fell to his knees, crying out in pain. He was violently shaking._

"_Are you okay?" The girl asked as she tapped on his shoulder. He growled, and then turned to see the face of the girl. He smiled and showed his teeth. She started backing away. "I hope you feel better anyways." She muttered and took off running in the opposite direction from him._

Seeing all the pain he was in knocked me out of my trance. "What happened Alice?" Jasper sensed that something was wrong and broke the rare silence.

I looked over at Bella who was trying to calm down from her recent break down. "Come with me." I said as I got up and took his hand. We walked silently to the bathroom on the other end of the plane. I knew that my family could still hear me, just not Bella. We packed ourselves into the little bathroom. I sat on the counter and he stood.

"What happened?" He asked and gently stroked my face. I was still slightly trembling from seeing Edward like that. In so much pain.

"Edward. . . so much pain . . . We thought Bella was bad but I think Edward might be worse, _might_ be." I told him and he hugged me.

"This will all work out, Alice. It will all be better in a few days." He repeated again and again into my ear to try and calm me down.

"What if it doesn't work out? What if all of this is making everything for everybody worse?" I mumbled.

"You can see what all of this will cause. . . We can only hope that this will work out. . ." He was struggling for words. He stared into my eyes and I stared into his.

A few minutes later there was a light knock on the door. I could hear a little boy complaining to his mom that he was going to wet his pants. "I guess I should have seen this coming." Jasper kissed me lightly on the lips and we walked out of the bathroom. The mother looked at us like we were trying to become members of the mile high club by the way we walked out together hand in hand.

Bella was leaning her head to the side and resting it on one of her hands, her other hand wrapped around her torso. "What happened to her?" Jasper whispered to Esme.

"Edward." Was all she replied.

I sat back down and leaned my head against the back of the seat. I looked foward into anything in Bella's future. I was trying to distract myself, not wanting to know what Emmett and Rosalie were planning on, so I looked for Charlie.

_He was on the phone with someone, Bella's mom I presumed. "Have you heard from her?" He asked in a very worried tone._

"_She hasn't talked to me since I said it would be good for her to move with me and Phil."_

"_How could she stand all that constant pain?" Charlie was having a hard time with this whole situation, also. He was on the outside and didn't understand anything that was actually happening. He had no idea why Bella couldn't just move on, forget about him. I heard Renee agree with him._

"_That isn't healthy, I have never seen anyone in so much pain." Renee sounded as if she were crying. I felt so bad for them, knowing it was my families fault._

I came back slowly and never took my eyes off Bella. "What did you see, Alice?" She asked. She sounded like she didn't care just wanted a distraction.

"Charlie and Renee miss you." I told her.

"I know." She mumbled. "I can't believe I did that to them."

"It isn't your fault Bella." Esme cut in. "We were the ones who left." We all felt a wave of guilt come over us, thework of my loving husband Jasper.

"I don't blame any of you." Bella said and tried to smile.

**A/N: I hope you like this chapter. I need 10 reviews before I write the next chapter XD**


	27. Deja Vu

**A/N: Thank you for all of the great reviews! I am trying something new, writing a part in someone on the outside's POV. I hope you like it, please read and review! XD**

Charlie's POV:

Everything is so confusing since Bella came and lived with me. Not that I regret it. So much has happened; She came, left, died, and left again. At least I hope she is coming back this time. I remember looking into her face as a baby, with her big brown eyes that go on and on. Since he left they seemed as to turn a muddy brown color that instead of having endless depths, they end right there and then. Her beautiful smile that was just like her mothers, that I haven't seen in months. I can tell she is hiding something, what was between her and Edward was special and different. It wasn't like a normal teenage relationship, it seemed to be something more. . .

After that boy left her, she was in so much pain, an unbelievable amount of pain. Always in her room curled up in a ball staring at the window and crying. She would cry herself to sleep at night and wake up screaming. Never saying a word, not eating or drinking. I couldn't help thinking of when Renee left with her so many years ago. Bella said she was going to that college tour, but that was all a lie. She went to go find him, something I should have done. I am not mad at her, just wishing she would have told me the truth. I thought we were past all of the lies. . .

I haven't talked to Bella in days. No one there will answer my calls or call me back. Renee is more worried than I am, but I have faith in her. I know what she is doing.

I don't understand why he means so much to her, obviously he doesn't return the interest. I just know that he _is _special to her. The way they use to look at each other, the way she use to be happy. She had light in her eyes. When he left he tore her heart out, that I could tell. When they were together in Phoenix last summer, they were inseparable. Then he left.

The phone rang. I got up from the couch and put the game on mute. The caller id was from Jacksonville, Florida. Renee.

"Hi." I greeted her.

"Hello, Charlie."

"Have you heard from her?" I asked her in a very worried tone.

"She hasn't talked to me since I said it would be good for her to move with me and Phil." She replied.

"How could she stand all that constant pain?" I could barely stand it when Renee left me, Edward left Bella the same way.

"That isn't healthy, I have never seen anyone in so much pain." Renee sounded as if she were crying. I could feel the tears start slowly rolling down my cheeks, also.

"Edward Cullen." I growled. He was and is the cause of Bella's pain.

"Do you know what happened? What caused all of this. . . They were both so happy, what made him leave?" She wanted some answers, and so do I.

"I use to say that I never had any trouble with the Cullens. There kids were well behaved and always kind and polite. That we should be grateful to have them, grateful Esme wanted to move into a small town. All I know is that Carlisle supposedly got a job offer from some hospital in L.A., which Bella knew was a lie." I answered. I never realized how much I knew on that subject.

"I know. . . There was something different, though. . . He was always so protective of her. . . like he knew that there was something that was going to happen, just waiting for it. . ." Renee babbled on. "I am going to try and call her again."

"You can try."

"I should go, Phil has a game to go to."

"Bye."

"Bye, Charlie." Renee said and then the phone went dead.

It feels like deja vu. She hung up, again. I walked slowly back to the couch, grabbing a bag of chips on the way and turned up the T.V. Just like old times. Just like old times.


	28. For granted

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews. You guys rock! XD**

**Please read and review!**

Chapter 28, I think: People always take what they have for granted,

Bella's POV:

Dreams at night are images projected by your sub conscious, Edward really doesn't care and will leave again. Mine are always painful and unwanted, true facts I can't hide from even when I'm asleep. Facts that are always there, always, never leaving, never ending.

I was staring out the window of the plane, we were somewhere over the ocean. _I could see me in Edward's arms, dancing and laughing. But most importantly, happy. Edward smiled down at me, "I love you always." He whispered into my ear. The sky was a dazzling, crystal clear blue. His skin sparkled like a thousand diamonds in the sun. He wanted me, he really truly loved me. I was happy, happy with him, we were together and we both were happy. Something I haven't been in so long. I felt like Snow White, being saved by the prince with a kiss. The curse gone, my fairy tale come true at last. . . _Only my day dream. It could never be true, he left and I am pathetic enough to go after him and bring him back to me. I know I can't live without him, but this seems like a new low. . .

I could feel a tear drop from my eye, and I quickly wiped it. Alice was still in her trance, in the same position as before. Esme and Carlisle were looking into each other's eyes, having a special private moment that by looking at I felt like I was intruding on. Emmett and Jasper were thumb wrestling, I think ( I guess they got bored with the movie, no surprise there). Rosalie. . . she was. . . I looked around and couldn't find her. I realized that I was paying more attention to everything, it was weird but maybe it was because _he_ is close. Like a magnetic force, pulling me closer, knowing we belong together, total opposites but exist so perfectly that they belong together. My true other half, no matter what he says. He is the stars in my sky at night, without him, there is nothing. He is my soul, life, love, and reason! Everyone takes what they have for granted, I know even I did. He left and took everything, leaving me with nothing, just the duty to keep breathing, and I don't even want to do that. . .

I will follow him everywhere, I _can't_ live without my heart! I can't live without my soul! I need him like I need air to breath. . . No matter what I do I am only me with you! I will follow him through his distractions, hoping that he will someday find that I am what I am and I want him more than anything.

"Venezuela." Alice shouted out of the blue.

"What?" Emmett demanded. He was obviously tired of being the last to find out about things.

"Edward," She started and I cringed. She smiled and apologetic to me and then continued. "He ran. . . I mean is running. He is going to Venezuela."

"Why Venezuela?" Jasper asked, I noticed he came over and crouched down next to Alice.

"I'm not a mind reader. I have no clue!" She said in an a-matter-of-fact tone. "Wait." She said then zoned out. "Brazil? Argentina? Columbia? Uruguay? Where is he going? Ecuador? " Everyone was waiting quietly. "I wish he would just make up his damn mind already!" She yelled in frustration.

"Act human." Carlisle warned in a low, tense and strained voice.

"Where is he?" I demandingly asked between my sudden tears which were flowing out of my eyes and down my cheeks like a water fall.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Esme asked me in a soft, motherly tone.

I tried to nod but I really didn't care, I only want Edward. He will make all of this better, erase all of the pain and regret. "Where is he?!" I asked Alice.

She didn't answer, she was still staring into space.

"Answer me." I yelled at her. I couldn't handle it anymore. He is the whole reason I am here! And he has the nerve to make it harder for me to find him? I wrapped my arms around my torso, it hurt. I could feel the tears ripping through me and the razor blade, which is my empty heart digging into me. I couldn't feel anything but the stinging and burning of the pain inside me. Always there, now it is growing and it is starting to consume me. My world stopped the minute he left me, and now it was all crashing down on me. I feel weaker and lower than I have felt in a long time. . . I started sobbing, and fiercely shaking. "Tell me where he is!" I screamed out in pain.

"It is gone." Alice answered. I can't see him anymore.

"WHAT!" I turned to her through my tears, for I had looked away so that nobody would have to see me like this.

"I think he is planning on staying in Brazil. . . He just keeps changing his mind."

"Please buckle your seatbelts and put your chairs in a sitting position. We will be landing shortly." The pilot said over the intercom. "I hope you had a good flight and I hope you enjoy your day. Thank you." He concluded.

Rosalie walked back, then and took her seat. "Where were you?" Emmett asked her.

"Nothing, drop it." She sapped.

"Did you change your clothes?" Esme asked.

"Yes I did, now drop it, please." She answered, a little more sweetly for Esme but there was still an edge of hostility in her tone.

"Someone's moody." Jasper muttered almost to low for me to hear.

She slapped him on the back of the head. "I'll show you moody. . . I was talking to the pilot."

"Why?" Emmett demanded.

"He has a red BMW convertible, like mine and I want to borrow it when we land." She said. " All of the rental cars here are ugly, I already checked."

"I forgot to bring back the car I borrowed." I mumbled, mostly to myself even though I know that they all heard.

**A/N: Where is Edward going? Review and find out! :P**


	29. Old memories and worries

**A/N: Please read and review!**

**It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye. . .  
**

Chapter 29: Old memories and worries

Bella's POV:

*Flashback*

"_No, I'm fine. I need something to keep me occupied," so I don't think. I added mentally. I opened the fridge. Nothing. I opened the cabinets. A small piece of paper fell to the ground. I bent down to pick it up. It was the note Edward wrote to tell my dad I was in the woods._

_I fell the ground and started sobbing, without making any sound( Charlie would come in and find me like this and he will call mom to take me to Florida). I had a whole life ahead of me, but that means nothing now. My life and soul, my reason for existence, was taken when he left. When he told me that he didn't love me any more. The tears were blocking me from seeing anything. Some one walked in and saw me here, it was Charlie. He didn't call anybody though, he just came over and started rubbing my back._

"_What happened?" He asked in a worried tone._

"_I tripped and bumped my head." I lied. I took a hand that was helping hod me together and felt around for the small piece of paper I found. Charlie didn't notice when I moved slightly to put it in my back pocket._

* Back to reality, sort of. . .*

I couldn't handle it anymore. He is the whole reason I am here, the reason for my pain and suffering! Not only is he the cause of it but it is because it hurts to be away from him. I wrapped my arms around my torso, it hurt. I could feel the tears ripping through me and the razor blade, which is my empty heart digging into me. I couldn't feel anything but the stinging and burning of the pain inside me. It felt worse than being burned alive, more painful than anything you could have possibly lived through in the worst conditions imaginable. Always there, now it is growing and it is starting to consume me. I bit down on my lip hard so that I wouldn't scream. My world stopped the minute he left me, as if my life ended in six short pages then he was gone and now it was all crashing down on me. I feel weaker and lower than I have felt in a long time. . . I started sobbing, and fiercely shaking.

* Flashback!*

"_Hello." He said in a quiet, velvet voice._

_I looked up stunned that he was actually speaking to me. He was sitting as far away from me as the desk would allow, but his chair was angled towards me. His dazzling face was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips. But his golden eyes were careful._

"_My name is Edward Cullen." He continued. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."_

*End of flashback*

The first day we met, so close yet so far. I took him a minute to say hello, and now I am chasing after him, not wanting to let it go and say goodbye.

I could feel the tears starting to fall from my face. I love him with all my heart.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Alice asked me as she gave me a hug.

"Just old memories." I muttered. I wiped my eyes and looked up at her, for I had my head in my hands. "I'm as fine as I'll be now."

"Don't worry Bella, we'll take care of everything here fast." Emmett said with a playful smile on his face.

"I remember what happened last time you said that." I said and absent middlingly rubbed the crescent shaped scar on my hand. With that, Alice grabbed my hand and led me off the plane behind the rest of the Cullens. Alice forced me into the bathroom and I changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and sapphire blue dress shirt. She gave me a pair of black ballet slippers and then brushed through my knotted hair.

Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and I drove in a Chrysler 300m. While Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper took the red convertible she borrowed from the pilot. There is an overcast all this week, which just made our plans easier. I didn't mind when Carlisle was driving, most of the time he went at a reasonable speed, but today Esme was driving. . . I know that they would never let anything happen to me. Alice was on the phone, with Jasper I presumed, for she kept telling whoever it was 'I love you'. Other than Alice the car was silent.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Esme asked me in a soft motherly tone.

"Nervous, I guess." I answered.

"You have nothing to be nervous over." She replied.

"You know your future, it is with your soul mate, Carlisle. The love of my life left me and now I am pathetic enough to go after him. I have a lot to be nervous and worried about." I disagreed.

"Turn right in about 4 ½ miles." Alice instructed to Esme and Jasper I presumed, then shut her little black cellphone..

* flashback*

"_Now," he breathed, "what exactly are you worrying about?"_

"_Well, um, hitting a tree-" I gulped-" and dying. And then getting sick."_

_He fought back a smile. Then he bent his head down and touched his cold lips to the hollow base of my throat._

"_Are you still worried now?" He murmured against my skin._

* End of flashback.*

"Is this it?" Esme asked Alice.

"Yes it is." Alice answered. She turned to face me. "Bella when I give you the signal, you need to count to 10 then climb up those stairs and go through the door at the top ." Alice instructed and pointed to a old wooden staircase on the side of the yellow building.

I nodded but I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I took in a deep breath. "What is the signal?" I finally asked.

"Here." She said and handed me a watch. "When it is time, it will go off."

"And then I count to ten and walk up the stairs and go through the door at the top." I finished. I felt like my head was about to explode.

Alice put her arm around me and I hugged her back. I was terrified, more than scared, everything I feared was nothing compared to this, except living without him that is. I tried to slow my breathing because it was starting to sound like I was hyperventilating.

Alice put her hone to her ear after dialing Jasper's number. " Lets go." She told him and hung up. She looked at me in the eyes. "Do what I said and it will all work out." With a quick kiss on my cheek she got out of the car and climbed up the stairs with Emmett and Jasper behind her.

A little quicker than I wished, my watch went off.


	30. Reunited

**Me, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, what I saw, what I did, but most of all I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I feel when I'm with you**.

Bella's POV:

Alice put her hone to her ear after dialing Jasper's number. " Lets go." She told him and hung up. She looked at me in the eyes. "Do what I said and it will all work out." With a quick kiss on my cheek she got out of the car and climbed up the stairs with Emmett and Jasper behind her.

A little quicker than I wished, my watch went off. I got out of the car, looking back at Carlisle and Esme before I closed the door. "Ten. . . Nine. . ." I started as I walked over to the staircase slowly. "Eight. . . Seven . . . Six. . ." I took another deep breath. "Five . . . Four. . . Three . . ." Here it comes. I grabbed the railing. " Two. . . One. . ."

I walked up the stairs and looked at the tall wooden door in front of me. I twisted the knob and closed my eyes. I could tell the door was open for the big gust of wind that blew my hair out of my face.

"Bella?" Asked a soft velvety voice.

I opened my eyes. "Edward." I breathed. He was there, there was my favorite crooked smile on his face. He was actually there and smiling. I turned around, to make sure it was me he was looking at, and it was. I felt the hole inside me fill, slowly. He was here and I was here and we were together.

He took a step foward and I did the same until we were only inches apart. I reached out and he did the same, our hands touched and we looked into each other's eyes. His eyes were a beautiful topaz color that I love.

"Do I ever cross your mind?" I asked him after a few minutes of silence.

"No." He answered.

"Do you like me?"

"No." He repeated.

"Do you want me?" I questioned him.

"No."

"Would you cry if I left?"

"No."

"Would you live for me?"

"No."

"Would you do anything for me?"

"No."

"Choose - me or your life?"

"My life." He replied with a smile. I felt a tear drip from my eye. Why would Alice drag me here to get rejected?

I stared at him in shock and pain and Edward came up to me and hugged me. He put his ice cold lips to my ear and whispered. "The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you, you know what I mean. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life, Bella."

"You are my life, too." I responded without the fear of rejection, I know that he feels the exact same way.

"Are you crying, love?" Edward asked me in his sweet velvet voice.

I nodded. "Tears of joy." I mumbled and could see the smile of his that I can't possibly live without any longer.

"I can't talk to you anymore, it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more. I want you to have a life. I would rather you be happy. I was dumb and wrong and I let you down. I can't believe you would forgive me, but by some miracle you have and we can be together forever! The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live. Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. I could and will never forget you, I love you too much for that! From the first day we met. . . I knew that there was something special between you and me, and I don't want to give that up. I can't give that up. I love you Bella! I am a monster and you still love me, I ruined your life but you will forget it, act like it never happened. You love me and I love you. If that is all we have than so be it, that's all I want." He held me in his stone arms and kissed me, barely holding back. "Lets forget the past few months, I want you forever and will do whatever I can to stay with you. I love you, Bella! I have no right to ask you to love me in return, but I want you to know that I do love you, I want you to love me the way I love you. We belong together." I nodded and twisted my hands in his hair, we were connected and together and no one could come in between us.

It was so hard to talk, just looking at him was taking my breath away. "It was if my life ended in 6 short pages, it all crumbled down over me and I couldn't breath. Everything was gone. . . no one to help. . . all alone. There's this place in me where your finger tips still rest. . . your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo. . . It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me. Was that some kind of sick joke, It will be as if I never existed? I can still hear your perfect, velvet voice. I'm holding on to you and will _never_ let you go. You will always be apart of me. . . I love you! I thought you wouldn't hurt me. I thought you were tired of seeing me cry. . . When you left, everything left with you. My life, meaning, will to live and move on, my soul. Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. Every one says I mean everything to you, but if that is true, then why? Why did you leave? Why did you say you didn't care? You didn't want me? I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, cause I'm in love with you. I love you! You ruined my life, killed me, took everything that I had, but I still love you! I want you forever and you can see that. You said that you can't have me but you can. I really, truly love you! We belong together, Edward, we really do." This is the best day of my life. Edward and me. . . Edward and I forever. . .

Edward put his hand under my chin and made me look up at him, into his burning topaz eyes. "I am so sorry, Bella. I was wrong, I can never expect you to forgive me. I can't even forgive me, and I will never live this down, but I love you with all of my heart. I am very sorry for everything; for causing you all of that pain, for hurting you. But I am not sorry that I love you and want to stay with you and marry you."

"Wait." Alice warned and dashed out the door.


	31. Reunited part 2

**A/N: I am going to try and post a new chapter every week, there has been a lot going on at my school and my computer hasn't been working right. Anyways, thanks for your great reviews! XP**

Part 2 of Bella and Edward's long awaited reunion.

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. But what if you meant everything to him?

Bella's P0V:

Edward put his hand under my chin and made me look up at him, into his burning topaz eyes. "I am so sorry, Bella. I was wrong, I can never expect you to forgive me. I can't even forgive me, and I will never live this down, but I love you with all of my heart. I am very sorry for everything; for causing you all of that pain, for hurting you. But I am not sorry that I love you and want to stay with you and marry you."

"Wait." Alice warned and dashed out the door.

"What?" I asked. " Where is Alice going?"

Esme, Alice, Carlisle, and Rosalie were up there in a few short minutes later. Alice was bouncing up and down and Esme had a smile from ear to ear. I turned back to Edward who had an identical smile on his face as the rest of his family. Rosalie even had a happy smile of her own on her face.

"Am I missing something?" I asked as I glanced around the room at the Cullens. **(A/N:** **Don't make fun of this line, we all know that Bella is missing something! XD)**

Edward put his hand in his pocket, as if to take something out of it. "Don't tell me I forgot it." He muttered to himself.

"Here." Alice said and handed him a small square box that looked as if it were covered in satin.

Edward knelt down on one knee and took my hand in his. "What are you thinking Bella?" He asked me in his honey sweet voice.

I have a very confused look on my face and I could hear my heart speed up and my cheeks burn. " I. . . I have no clue." I stuttered.

"Isabella Swan . . . Bella Swan. . . Isabella Marie Swan. . . " Edward's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Just spit it out already! I can already see her answer and that means I have a few things I need to start planning." Alice shot in an a- matter- of- fact tone.

"This is our moment! Let us enjoy it." Edward almost growled at her. "I never thought I would get a chance to say this to her so I didn't really plan what to say."

"What?" I asked again, more confused than before (if that's possible).

"Isabella Swan, I love you and always will love you. I want to be with you forever, I always have and always will- even if I am bad at showing it." He glared at the floor for a moment, then looked back into my eyes. "Will you marry me?"

My jaw dropped to the floor like an idiot, not that I really cared at the moment. It all happened so fast. The last thing I saw was Edward and Carlisle looking at me with worry written all over their reflections. I fainted.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked when my eyelids finally fluttered open.

"What happened?" I asked looking around to meat Edward's butterscotch eyes, and then sighed in relief.. At least I wasn't dreaming.

"You fainted." Edward said in his velvet voice, and his famous, genuine crooked smile plastered across his pale white face. Edward and Carlisle helped me up and I turned to Edward.

"Will you marry me, Bella?" He asked again.

I remembered the other six vampires in the room, so my answer can't be all lovey dovey because Emmett will never let me live it down. Hmpf. There were many answers I came up with in my head, I am really glad he can't read my mind. "Yes," I whispered.

He lifted me up off of the ground into his stone, cold arms and kissed me. He didn't hold back like he usually did."Thank you." He said simply. He took the ring out of the small box and put it on my left ring finger. "My father gave this ring to my mother when he proposed to her, and I want you to have it."

I glanced at Carlisle and Esme. "His human parents." Carlisle replied. I nodded and looked back at my beautiful ring.

Elizabeth Masen's ring sparkled in the dim light coming from the open door. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was a white gold, delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the flawless diamonds. I have never seen anything as beautiful as it besides the man who gave it to me.

I stroked the shimmering gems and smiled. "It is gorgeous." I whispered and looked up to his face.

"Do you really like it?" He asked.

"It is beautiful, just like you." I responded and could feel a deep crimson red blush creeping onto my cheeks. "Do you like it?" I asked a few moments later.

"Yes I like it. You have _no_ idea." Edward chuckled.

"Well lets get home, I have a wedding to plan." Alice sang and danced out of the room, dragging a smiling Jasper behind her.

He picked me up, wedding style, and walked down to the car, never breaking his gaze from mine. We will be together forever, no one can come between us, **forever**.


	32. Edward's reunion

**A/N: This is Bella and Edward's reunion in Edward's POV. Enjoy!**

Reunited, Edward's POV:

I am in the same place I have been for the past week; not moving, hunting, or even breathing. I have been curled up in a ball, in some attic in Brazil for the past week or more. Nothing is easy without her. Nothing can ever make sense without her by my side. I can never be the same without her. She has altered me so completely, she is my true other half- that I left and pretty much abandoned after all we have been through. . . Wherever Bella is I hope she knows that I never wanted to hurt her, just the opposite. I wanted to keep her safe.

I was left with my thoughts, worries, and memories. All of the wonderful memories I have of her and me together, burned and thrown out the window. None of them were very comforting at this moment in time, in fact they haven't been comforting in the past few months or more. They have caused me more pain than imaginable. . . I had been forming and editing my speech to Bella a thousand times since I left, but I still have no idea what to say. She would probably accept me back no matter what I say, and that really scares me. I shouldn't go back but I can't stand being away from my personal angel, Bella. No matter what I came up with to say, all I saw was her face . Or the worst thought of all, was only seeing the back of her head as she ran away from me( like I always knew she eventually would). For the first time since I was turned into a vampire, I feel cold.

I should have never lied to her. I should have been there for her, help her through all of the pain, even though I caused most of it. She always told me the truth and I always told the truth to her, she assumed that I would never lie to her. I am a pathetic monster that deserves to die a slow and painful death. Why of all days for Bella to believe me, did it have to be that one painful, pitiful day in the woods. I left her there crying and that is all I can see; when I chose my eyes, when my eyes are even open I can see her, still!

The minds I have heard in the last month are now just a blur of Spanish and Portugese. I almost silenced them, but all that practice gone to waste because they are all rushing back to me like a tsunami. The main, easily recognizable minds I hear now, six of them, are all talking in English. And footsteps, running up the stairs at a fast human pace.

"Can't I die alone without you guys here to try and help me." I groaned.

"Shut up Edward!" Alice yelled and kicked down the door.

"You know it was open, Alice." Emmett pointed out.

"This was more fun." She spat back. "We brought someone here to see you."

I rolled my eyes as I tried to go through their heads to find out who the 'special guest in Edward's living hell' was. Everyone was thinking of Carlisle and Esme.

"I really don't want to see them." I moaned.

"You aren't going to. . . yet." Jasper replied.

I heard what sounded like a watch go off and someone started counting back from ten, slowly. Alice had a big smile on her face that was identical to Emmett's. I threw my hands up in frustration. "Leave me alone!"

Whoever it was walked up the stairs and opened the tall wooden door in front of me. Their eyes were closed and I couldn't tell who it was. It looked like Bella but she was much thinner than when I. . . left. Her hair lost its shine, and she looked as if she hadn't slept much more than I had.

"Bella?"I asked.

She opened her beautiful brown eyes. "Edward." She was here and I was here and we were together. I took a step foward and she did the same until we were only inches apart. I reached out and she did the same, our hands touched and we looked into each other's eyes.

Alice was all but bouncing up and down from excitement. _"I should become a matchmaker!" _She thought. _"I could totally see what the outcome of each pair would be and I love seeing everyone so happy in the end. . ." _

"Do I ever cross your mind?"She asked me after a few minutes of silence.

"No."I answered.

"Do you like me?"

"No."I repeated.

"Do you want me?"Bella questioned me.

"No."

"Would you cry if I left?"

"No."

"Would you live for me?"

"No."

"Would you do anything for me?"

"No."

"Choose - me or your life?"

"My life."I replied with a smile. I saw a tear drip from her eye.

She stared at me with shock and pain written all over her expression. I came up to her and hugged her. I put my lips to my ear and whispered. "The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you, you know what I mean. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life, Bella."

"You are my life, too." She responded with a beautiful smile across her to pale lips.

"Are you crying, love?" I asked her when I noticed the tears flowing from her eyes

She nodded. "Tears of joy."Bella mumbled and I smiled her favorite smile.

It was hard to breath, looking at her for the first time in months. "I can't talk to you anymore, it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more. I want you to have a life. I would rather you be happy. I was dumb and wrong and I let you down. I can't believe you would forgive me, but by some miracle you have and we can be together forever! The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live. Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. I could and will never forget you, I love you too much for that! From the first day we met. . . I knew that there was something special, and I don't want to give that up. I can't give that up. I love you Bella! I am a monster and you still love me, I ruined your life but you will forget it, act like it never happened. You love me and I love you. If that is all we have than so be it, that's all I want." I held her in my arms and kissed her, barely holding back. "Lets forget the past few months, I want you forever and will do whatever I can to stay with you. I love you, Bella! I have no right to ask you to love me in return, but I want you to know that I do love you, I want you to love me the way I love you. We belong together." She nodded and her hands twisted into my hair, we were connected and together and no one could come in between us. This is the best day of my existence.

"It was if my life ended in 6 short pages, it all crumbled down over me and I couldn't breath. Everything was gone. . . no one to help. . . all alone. There's this place in me where your finger tips still rest. . . your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo. . . It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me. Was that some kind of sick joke, It will be as if I never existed? I can still hear your perfect, velvet voice. I'm holding on to you and will _never_ let you go. You will always be apart of me. . . I love you! I thought you wouldn't hurt me. I thought you were tired of seeing me cry. . . When you left, everything left with you. My life, meaning, will to live and move on, my soul. Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. Every one says I mean everything to you, but if that is true, then why? Why did you leave? Why did you say you didn't care? You didn't want me? I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, cause I'm in love with you. I love you! You ruined my life, killed me, took everything that I had, but I still love you! I want you forever and you can see that. You said that you can't have me but you can. I really, truly love you! We belong together, Edward, we really do."

I put my hand gently under her chin and made her look up at me. "I am so sorry, Bella. I was wrong, I can never expect you to forgive me. I can't even forgive me, and I will never live this down, but I love you with all of my heart. I am very sorry for everything; for causing you all of that pain, for hurting you. But I am not sorry that I love you and want to stay with you and marry you." Now she knows.

"Wait." Alice warned and dashed out the door.

"What?" Bella asked. " Where is Alice going?"

Esme, Alice, Carlisle, and Rosalie were up there in a few short minutes later. Alice was bouncing up and down and Esme had a smile from ear to ear. She turned back to me, who had an identical smile on my face as the rest of my wonderful, yet annoying family. Rosalie even had a happy smile of her own on her face.

"Am I missing something?"She asked as she glanced around the room at my family.

I put his hand in his pocket, trying to find my mothers ring."Don't tell me I forgot it."I muttered to myself. It wasn't in my left pocket or my right. Figures.

"Here." Alice said and handed me a small square box covered in satin._ You forgot it on your dresser._

I knelt down on one knee and took her warm pale white hand in mine. "What are you thinking Bella?" I asked her.

Bella had a very confused look on her face and I could hear her heart speed up and cheeks burn. " I. . . I have no clue." I stuttered.

"Isabella Swan . . . Bella Swan. . . Isabella Marie Swan. . . "My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I have never done this before, how do I say this. Will she run away, will she say yes?

"Just spit it out already! I can already see her answer and that means I have a few things I need to start planning." Alice shot in an a- matter- of- fact tone. _If you don't get on with it I am going to leave and go plan the wedding, and I'll be back before you can even find the right words to say._ Alice yelled in her thoughts, and started humming _here comes the bride _to high for Bella to hear.

I rolled my eyes at her and tried to tune her out.

"This is our moment! Let us enjoy it." I almost growled at my favorite sister. "I never thought I would get a chance to say this to her so I didn't really plan what to say."

"What?"Bella asked again in a confused tone.

"Isabella Swan, I love you and always will love you. I want to be with you forever, I always have and always will- even if I am bad at showing it."I glared at the floor for a moment- _I should have never left her, and been there for her_! I thought. I looked back into her eyes. "Will you marry me?"

Her mouth hung open.

_Edward!_ Carlisle thought, then ran over to Bella who had just fainted in my arms.

"Is that a yes or what?" Emmett laughed his booming laugh and gave me a hard slap on the back that made a few rats scurry across the attic floor.

"It's a yes." Alice chirped.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked when my love's eyelids finally fluttered open.

"What happened?"She asked looking around to meet my eyes, and then sighed in relief.

"You fainted." I said in my velvet voice, and my crooked smile plastered across my pale white face. Carlisle and I helped her up.

"Will you marry me, Bella?"I asked again, already knowing her answer.

There was a short pause as she thought over what to say."Yes," Bella whispered.

I lifted me up off of the ground into my stone, cold arms and kissed her. _You only live once._ I didn't hold back like I usually do. "Thank you."I said simply. I carefully took the ring out of the small box and put it on her left ring finger. "My father gave this ring to my mother when he proposed to her, and I want you to have it."

She glanced at Carlisle and Esme. "His human parents." Carlisle replied. She nodded and looked back at her new beautiful ring.

Elizabeth Masen's ring sparkled in the dim light coming from the open door. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was a white gold, delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the flawless diamonds. I have never seen anything as beautiful as it besides the woman I gave it to.

She stroked the shimmering gems and smiled. "It is gorgeous."She whispered and looked up to my face.

"Do you really like it?"I asked.

"It is beautiful, just like you."She responded blushed a deep crimson red color. "Do you like it?" She asked me a few moments later.

"Yes I like it. You have _no_ idea."I chuckled. She will be my wife and we will be together forever.

"Well lets get home, I have a wedding to plan." Alice sang and danced out of the room, dragging a smiling Jasper behind her.

_You have created a monster. _Rosalie and Esme thought.

I picked her up, wedding style and we left, just as it should be, together. We will be together forever, no one can come between us, **forever**.

_Don't you think it's weird that we totally made a giant scene in some random attic in South America?_ Emmett thought. I couldn't help but smile and nod. Bella fell asleep leaning against the car window on the way to the airport and I very gently put my arm around her and leaned her head on my shoulder. "Sweet dreams, Love." I whispered.


	33. Dreaming

A/N: Please go onto my profile and vote on the pole thingy. Thank you guys for all of your awesome reviews! **XD**

**I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile.  
**

Bella's POV:

All good things come to an end. . . Like Edward would really propose to me and want me back.

The hole in my heart felt as if it were gone, I didn't have to hold myself together. It didn't feel as if it were cured or filled, but as if it were never there. . . It was if that wonderful dream was the closure I needed, why couldn't I just get that the first night, not months later.

The way I see it, I have four options.

Option one, Edward loved me. The bond forged between us was true and it couldn't be erased by time, distance, or even the other's absence. We were meant to be together, forever and ever.

Yeah right, in my dreams.

Option two, I am crazy, seeing things and having hallucinations. I hang out with vampires and just had a dream that I went to the other side of the world for my soul mate, a vampire, who left me and said I wasn't good enough for him. None of this happened, none of this could ever happen. This is the absolute longest dream in my life.

Very possible, though I hope that's not the case. I always knew that there was something wrong with my brain. . .

Option three, my subconscious was giving me what I thought I always wanted most. Wish fulfillment. He loved me and wanted to be with me forever, he wasn't really there and really didn't care at all but in my mind he does, if that makes any sense at all.

Option four, I am dead and in heaven.

I am going towards option two, I AM nuts.

Why does the world have to be so cruel?

I woke up- thinking it was all a dream, a wonderful dream that was what I always dreamed would happen but knew in my cold, broken heart that it never would- and stretched.

"How did you sleep, Bella?" Esme asked me softly.

"I had the best dream of my life." I wiped a tear that fell from my eye. "I wish it didn't have to end." I sat my seat up straight and cracked my neck. We were on an airplane, though I am not sure where we are going.

Someone put their cold lips to my neck and started kissing me. I jumped. "Good morning Bella, my love." Edward said in his soft velvet voie between kisses. "It wasn't a dream." He whispered.

I stared at him in shock, my mouth probably hanging open. Great, now I am hallucinating (I knew it, option two!)- Edward is here, I am in his arms and he is kissing me. Like that would ever possibly happen. He lifted up my hand, ever so gently, and showed me a ring. "Who's is that?" I asked. "And why is it on my finger?"

"It was my mother's , and now it is yours." He replied and I could see his genuine crooked smile briefly flash across his face.

"I can't." I said and took it off, handing it back to him. "Why was it on my finger in the first place?"

He stared at it with a frown on his perfect, pale white face. "You agreed to marry me."

"I am only eighteen, I am not getting married."I disagreed, my voice raising an octave.

"I am nearly one hundred and ten. It's about time I settled down."

I turned my body to face the window, looking out into the sunset, trying to control the panic that just came over me. "How long have I been sleeping?" I asked no one imparticular.

"You fell asleep in the car yesterday at about 8p.m., and you have had a long day, you also haven't been sleeping well the past few months and you refused to sleep on the way here. . ." Alice trailed off.

"How long?" I groaned.

"I don't know Ms. Pushy, figure it out on your own." She shot back.

"Never mind." I responded and rolled my eyes.

"Bella, I have gone without looking at you for so long, I can't stand it anymore. Please look at me." He put his hand under my chin and made me look at him.

I very childishly stuck my tongue out at him. " That was your own decision." I grumbled.

H e let his hand fall to his side. "I know, it was the worst decision I have made in my life."

"You're telling me." I agreed.

"I deserved that." He lifted up my hand and kissed it.

"You deserve much worse." Alice muttered and glared at Edward.

"So it was real, not a dream?" I asked after a few minutes of awkward silence from everyone.

"No it wasn't a dream." Edward whispered.

I frowned."Then I died, right? The plane went down and none of you could find me so I drowned to death." I started hyperventilating. "Crap. This is going to kill Charlie, and poor Renee. Crap, crap, crap." I moaned and put my head in my hands.

Edward frowned, too. "You're not dead." He replied. "I can't imagine what you could have done to end up in Hell. Did you commit any murders while I was away?"

"You are a monster, Edward." Alice said. "We all know that it is your fault but seriously, you have a soul, and neither of you are in hell."

"Alice." Esme scolded.

"I am tired of all of both of their negativity all the time, and so is Jasper." Alice replied and rolled her eyes. "I love you both but you are really starting to get on my nerves."

"Look who's talking." Edward responded which caused everyone in our conversation to laugh, except for Alice.

I grimaced, and decided to answer Edward's last question. "Obviously not. If I was in Hell, you wouldn't be with me."

He sighed and then smiled again. "Do you think that you are awake yet?" He asked.

"No. . . Did all of that really happen then?" I pondered. Option two keeps getting closer and closer, more likely- I am having a conversation with my hallucination.

"Yes, Bella. What will it take to convince you that you are awake?" He asked and stroked my face with his palm.

"I don't know." I said leaning away from his touch. "But if I am really dreaming, or dead. . . then I don't want this to end."

"Time will convince you." He whispered. "It will be my mission to convince you that yo are awake. . . and not dead."

"I like the idea of that. Time." I murmured.

"Forever and always."

"Forever and always." I agreed.

"Does that mean that you will accept the ring?" He urged.

"Ew! Don't say that out loud. I am not getting married."

"What, are you going to wait until you are older? If that is the case, and you still want to get changed then you won't grow older."

"What did that last sentence mean, that was very confusing? I am still asleep. . . or dead. . ."

"Are you going back on your word? You agreed to marry me last night," He asked, a playful smile on his lips.

"You were dazzling me! I couldn't think straight!" I threw my arms up in frustration.

"Dazzling you?" Emmett laughed.

Great, he heard me and I am never going to live this down.

"Do I dazzle you?" He asked between laughs.

I glared at him. "No."

"You can always tell me the truth later." He said and winked. "But, that's kind of mean don't you think. I didn't do anything to you and you get all moody on me." Emmett complained.

"Anyways. . ." I said, trying o get off the Dazzling topic.

"Do I dazzle you?" Jasper asked.

"No."

"That was harsh, Bella." Alice replied.

"Do you want to know who dazzles me besides Edward?" I asked.

I was answered by everyone staring at me and being quiet. I could feel a blush crawl onto my cheeks.

"Carlisle." I answered simply. "Carlisle is the only one who dazzles me besides Edward."

Emmett and Jasper fell out of their seats laughing. Even Rosalie was laughing. Carlisle had a smile on his face, and so did Esme. "But he is old." Emmett whined.

"So are you." Alice defended.

"At least I am younger than you." Emmett shot back. "Oh, I get it."

Edward growled and I looked at him questionably.

"You like wimpy guys. You couldn't handle someone as buff and awesome as me."

I put my head in my hands and groaned.

"Why won't you agree to marry me, Bella?" Edward asked.

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know?That would be the kiss of death for Charlie and Renee." I answered.

"Interesting choice of words." He murmured.

" You know what I mean. I'm . . . afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married." He laughed darkly.

"You think you're joking." All I could think about was, if this all really happened and is happening, having to tell my mom later.

"She'll cave eventually." Alice said tapping her head. "I can see it."

"Bella, why won't you wear the ring?" Edward asked me.

"Charlie is probably going to shoot you anyways, don't push it." I muttered and he frowned.

I can't believe I did that to poor Charlie, again. He was so worried about me, and I just left I do these days is lie to him, ever since I met Edward. I lied to him when James was after me. I lied to him to keep him safe, just as Edward had to me. I lied to him when I went to find the reason for my life. I don't deserve for him to forgive me this time.

"She will. . . soon." Alice whispered to Edward.

Edward was twirling the ring around his fingers, smiling.

"Bella, please." He begged.

"Edward, I don't want to push it. Nobody is going to be happy that I am even your girlfriend after what you put me through, let alone your future wife." We both cringed at the memory but I kept going. "I really don't think it is a good idea if I wear the ring. I agreed to marry you, and I am not going back on my word, but for everybody else's sanity, I don't think I should wear the ring."

"Fine." He gave up with a smile and put the ring back in his pocket.


	34. Blessing or curse

So dear I love him that with him, all deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life.  
-William Shakespeare

Chapter 34:

Bella's POV:

All great things come to an end, I suppose. . .

"Bella, we are almost to your house. Put on your ring." Alice said from the front seat in Edward's Volvo.

I wanted to sit next to Edward and just have him hold me close. Not focusing on anything but each other.

"No ring." I mumbled.

Edward had the ring back out of his pocket and he was once again twirling it between his fingers. He was looking into my eyes. "Please Bella, not only would it make me happy, and get Alice off your back," He chuckled. "It would also make Esme extrodinaraly happy." He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye as he looked up into the sky. "Wherever my mother is, she would be happy too."

I rolled my eyes and could feel the guilt bubbling up inside of me, thanks to Jasper who was sitting next to Alie and holding her hand.

"Come on, Bella." Alice urged.

"Fine." I grumbled. "Just to get Alice off my back."

Edward smiled and kissed each of my fingers before he finally put the ring on my ring finger.

"I love you." Edward said and kissed my cheek.

"You better." I muttered.

"What, you don't love me?" Edward accused.

"Why do you think I am wearing the ring?" I asked.

A few minutes we pulled into my all to familiar driveway. "Welcome home." Edward whispered in my ear.

"What about my bags? They are all at the hotel in Alaska." I started panicking. "What will Charlie think when I come home without any bags?"

"It's okay." Alice said while Jasper was trying yet again to calm me down. "I got you some new bags in the trunk with some new clothes. Tanya offered to bring back your car and she checked out of the hotel for you."

"Oh my gosh, that is so nice." Edward hugged me a little tighter. "Thank you."

"Come on, Charlie is waiting." Edward helped me out of the car and got my new bags from the trunk.

"What is that smell?" Alice asked as she skipped over to my side.

"Ugh. That stinks." Jasper agreed.

"I don't smell anything." I replied.

Charlie opened the door and spotted us, he was still wearing his police uniform, gun and all. I dropped my hand from Edward's and Alice took my other hand and led me to the door. Jasper was right behind us, followed by Edward. Charlie gave me and Alice a hug and then we walked through the door. We were not the only ones in the room, Jacob and Billy were sitting on the couch looking at us.

"I want to talk to you, Edward." Charlie said to him in a harsh tone.

"He has his gun." I whispered, for I knew that he could hear me.

"It won't come to that." Alice whispered to me. Alice and I sat on the love seat while Jasper stood behind us.

"Well, I know where the scent is coming from." Alice said and pinched her nose closed. "It smells like wet dog in here."

"How come you didn't see this, Alice?" Jasper asked her.

"I guess I wasn't really looking for it." Alice responded, then looked at Jacob. "Does Bella-"She started.

"No." He snapped. "It's none of your business bloodsucker."

"Hey." I jumped in. "Obviously I am being left out of something, will some one please explain what is going on?"I demanded.

"That is up to Jacob and Billy." Alice said.

Jacob was trembling, shaking and his hands were balled up in fists. Alice and Jasper jumped up and were in front of me in the blink of an eye. They both were in a fighting crouch and Jacob was still shaking.

"Jacob," Billy warned. "Not with Bella here, she could get hurt. She could get killed. Remember Emily. You need to calm down."

"Why would it matter, they are just going to kill her anyways." Jacob snarled.

My heart was beating really fast. I started hyperventilating. Edward came running through the front door at a fast human pace. He said something to Alice and Jasper to fast for me to understand and suddenly Jacob stopped shaking so hard and I started breathing regularly.

"You are on our land." Edward growled.

"We are protecting those who need to be protected. We are here for Charlie." Billy said.

"What the-" Charlie stood in the doorway as still as a statue.

"You left her here to die!" Jacob yelled.

Edward put his arm around me and whispered 'I'm sorry' into my ear.

"Some Leech came onto our land, looking for Bella or you. We killed him, ripped him to shreds and burned the pieces. He wanted revenge, he wanted to kill her." Jacob growled.

"Who?" Alice asked from right next to me. Jasper was in front of her so she leaned around him to see.

"I think his name was Laurent." Billy answered.

"Why don't you go back to that bat cave you crawled out of and leave us alone once and for all." Jacob started shaking again and Edward and Jasper tensed.

"This isn't the time or the place for this discussion." Edward snarled.

Almost all eyes in the room were either on me or Charlie. Charlie looked like he was going to faint.

"What are you Jacob?" I asked.

Jacob was still shaking and trembling. "No." He replied.

"No what?" I asked.

"He can't tell you." Billy stated.

"You already know." Edward said.

"Charlie." Alice whispered frantically, to quiet for him to hear across the room. "He has no idea what we are talking about."

"Change the subject." Jasper said quietly.

"Charlie," Edward said calmly. "I know I am going at this in the wrong way, I should have came to you first but since Bella already said yes. . ."

My eyes widened as I figured out what the new subject was. I started hyperventilating again. Edward tried to pull my hand out from behind my back but I was using all my strength to hold it there.

"Bella." Edward whispered.

I let my hand free and he held it in his.

"Charlie will you give us your blessing?" Edward asked in his soft velvet voice.

"I'll take you alone parasite." Jacob hissed.

"I feel sick." I said as I looked over at Charlie who was leaning against the wall for support.


	35. True love's ending Charlie

True love doesn't have a happy ending.  
Because true love doesn't have an ending...

But you haven't met Charlie.

Chapter 35:

Bella's POV:

"Charlie will you give us your blessing?" Edward asked in his soft velvet voice.

"I'll take you alone parasite." Jacob hissed.

"I feel sick." I said as I looked over at Charlie who was leaning against the wall for support.

"My . . . my bless-. . . blessing?" Charlie stuttered.

"We are getting married, can we please have your blessing." Edward answered in a smooth velvet voice.

Mine and Charlie's heartbeats accelerated. I could hear his and I was on the other end of the room. Charlie's face turned red, then purple. My eyes widened in fear. I elbowed Edward hard in the ribs and I heard a snap coming from my arm.

"OW. . . Have you gotten harder?" I complained.

"You just cracked your arm, Bella. Nothing is wrong, no internal bleeding, you are fine." Alice assured me and put her hand on my arm, just like an ice pack.

Jacob started trembling again. "Stop hurting her." He spat.

"I did that." I laughed, and tried to make light of the stressful situation. "I was the one that elbowed him, and I was the one who couldn't come up with another subject." I glanced at Charlie and he was returning back to his normal pale color.

"I'll be back in a second." Alice said as she darted out the door, with an irritated look on her face at the pace she had to move.

Jasper's face fell to his hands and he shook his head. Edward rolled his eyes and Jacob was pretty much steaming.

Alice skipped through the door with a box in her hand. She handed Jasper the box and he held it there for her. She took out a pale square card with a bow on the top. The box was labeled "B&E wedding."

"When did you-?" I started.

"It was a long plane ride." She explained in an a- matter- of- fact tone.

"Only you." I muttered.

"You are very welcome." She replied with her evil pixie smile. She handed an invitation to Jacob, Billy, and Charlie. "Here."

"You already have a date set?" Billy asked.

"We are very busy." Alice laughed.

"What's for dinner? Charlie or Bella? Or will Charlie be Bella's first meal?" Jacob joked as he crumpled up the invitation and threw it on the ground.

Charlie was silent and motionless while he stared at the off- white piece of paper in his hands.

"You are actually doing this?" Charlie shouted. Now _there's_ the Charlie I know. "How could you do this Bella? Especially after he left you!" Edward winced and a stray tear fell from my eye. Edward held me tighter and I did the same. "I can't believe you would be so irresponsible. You're not even out of high school yet and you want to get _married_! I won't allow this, Isabella."

"You don't know the whole story, Dad." I said in the calmest voice I could manage.

"Oh, I don't?" Charlie asked sarcastically as he turned his glare to Edward. "Then would you please care to explain? Because _obviously_, I wouldn't know, seeing as no one ever bothered to share that tidbit of information with me."

Edward stepped forward, his face wearing a calm mask, but I knew better. His eyes had shown how guilty he felt. I took his hand in mine and he flashed his dazzling, crooked smile at me. "I left to protect her, sir," he replied, still gazing at me.

Alice snorted, but he ignored her. Edward knew as well as I did that wasn't exactly the entire story, but hopefully, it would be enough for Charlie.

"Quit the sob story parasite." Jacob's low voice was rough and angry.

"Protect her? From what?" Charlie asked, now sounding genuinely curious.

_Of _course_ it's not enough_, I thought. How could I possibly be so naïve? What are we going to tell him?

_He was trying to protect me from him and his vampire family, obviously. He was a vampire, and even though he drinks animal blood, I still smell better to him than any one ever has before. Every time he kisses me his throat burns like it is on fire. _Yeah, Charlie would _definitely_ believe that.

"Protect her from me. I don't deserve her." Edward answered.

I rolled my eyes. My Greek god.

"You _don't_ deserve her." Alice said and Jacob nodded in agreement.

Charlie flopped down in the nearest chair and closed his eyes. "No."

"No what?" I asked.

"I will not let you run off and get married." Charlie answered. "How long have you two known that you would be getting married?"

I hesitated before answering. "Well, it's probably been about a week or so now."

"And what exactly happened a week ago?" Charlie asked.

I thought about it for a second. What _did_ happen? "Well," I said after a while.

"We thought about it a bit more and decided, why wait? We both knew that we couldn't stand those four months we were separated this past year. We knew we would always be together since we first saw each other after those few months. . ." Edward trailed off.

"I admit I was a bit hesitant at first. I didn't want to be _that girl_, the girl that gets married right out of high school and has no idea what she wants to do with her life."

"And you don't think that's what you're doing now?" Charlie asked me angrily. "If you actually do this, you _will_ be 'that girl'!"

I stared at him in complete shock. "I may be getting married, but I sure as hell know _exactly_ what my future will be!" Everyone in the room eyes' widened.

_This isn't good_, I thought. _Did I seriously just let that slip?_ I hoped that Charlie just took that last statement as teenage arrogance and not think I was being serious…

"You'll break the treaty." Jacob snarled and started shaking harder, taking a step towards Edward.

"You already did, Jacob Black." Jasper said and took a defensive position in front of Alice.

"What will your future be?" Charlie asked, ignoring the scene unfolding in front of us.

"Ummmmm..." Crap. I had no idea what to tell him. _Think, Bella, think. You can't be too vague, or he'll just ask more questions…Don't let anything more slip or you will be in a mental asylum. "_My future is with Edward."


	36. Love is my nightmare

**Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.  
~ William Shakespeare **

Chapter 36:

Jacob's POV:

"Quit the sob story parasite." I growled. _He has to bring everyone down with him, doesn't he?_

The grim reaper's -my new nickname for Edward, the one who causes pain and kills everyone on his long list till everyone is gone - eyes turned into thin slits as he looked at me.

"Protect her? From what?" Charlie asked, now sounding genuinely curious.

There was a long awkward pause before anyone answered."Protect her from me. I don't deserve her." Edward answered.

"You _don't_ deserve her." Alice said and I nodded in agreement.

_Great, I am in the same wavelength with the pixie_.

Charlie flopped down in the nearest chair and closed his eyes. "No."

"No what?" Bella asked.

"I will not let you run off and get married." Charlie answered. "How long have you two known that you would be getting married?"

_Finally the voice of reason! _I agreed. _Way to go, Charlie!_

She visibly hesitated before answering. "Well, it's probably been about a week or so now."

"And what exactly happened a week ago?" Charlie asked.

"Well . . . " Bella said after a while.

"We thought about it a bit more and decided, why wait? We both knew that we couldn't stand those four months we were separated this past year. We knew we would always be together since we first saw each other after those few months . . . " Edward trailed off.

_I bet he is good at coming up with lies._

"I admit I was a bit hesitant at first. I didn't want to be _that girl_, the girl that gets married right out of high school and has no idea what she wants to do with her life." Bella said.

"And you don't think that's what you're doing now?" Charlie asked her angrily. "If you actually do this, you _will_ be 'that girl'!"

_She has always been '_that girl_'. This is Bella Swan we are talking about!_

"I may be getting married, but I sure as hell know _exactly_ what my future will be!" Everyone in the room eyes' widened, including mine.

Billy rolled out of the room into the kitchen, opened the fridge and from what it sounded like popped open a beer and drank it down.

_Has Bella lost it or what?_ I thought. "You'll break the treaty." I snarled and started shaking harder, taking a step toward the life sucking parasite.

THIS MEANS A WAR! Sam needs to know and get ready for the breach. He steals my once future girl, leaves her like trash to die, comes back and declares that he is getting married?! Leeches are good for nothing.

"You already did, Jacob Black." The calm, blonde leech said and took a defensive position in front of the pixie vampire.

I suddenly felt calmer. I don't know how and I don't know why because I am still shaking but I feel calmer.

"How did I break the treaty?" I snarled.

"What will your future be?" Charlie asked, ignoring the scene unfolding in front of everyone.

"Ummmmm . . . "

_Nice one Bella, way to let that slip. _I thought.

"My future is with Edward." Bella answered.

_She needs someone to slap some sense into her._ I thought. _She is a total nut case!_

Edward growled. "You broke the treaty by telling her what we are."

"I didn't believe it then. Who knew you were a leech?" I defended myself.

Bella may be a nut but she is happy. She was slowly coming back together. She didn't hold his hand much and, she cringed when one of them touched her but, she was happy and slowly beginning to trust them again. She was in love with them and, after all they did to her, she accepts them back. She was getting better, I could see the light in her eyes, sometimes it wasn't there, but when it was everyone could tell that she was happy. Today was one of those days. I lost the love of my life.

I was in love with Bella Swan. She was marrying that bloodsucker instead of me. I guess we all have a monster inside of us. Bella could break your heart. Edward and his parasite clan, well you guessed that one. And me, I turn into a giant wolf.

_I was the natural path her life would have taken . . . _

**A/N: Please read & review!**


	37. Sweet dreams need time

Chapter 37:

Emmett's POV:

I don't see why I couldn't go to Bella's house with Edward, Alice, and Bella. I mean, I know that Charlie is kind of scared of me and stuff, but still. I would be more scared to have Edward or Alice in my house if I were him.

Not just since Bella came back, but since her and Edward were together again, our family was happy and whole. It was how it was suppose to be and everyone agreed.

**Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;  
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.  
~ William Shakespeare **

Charlie's POV:

_Leech?_

_Bloodsucker?_

_Parasite?_

_Dog?_

Where are these names coming from?

Most importantly, why is my 18 year old daughter marrying the man who left her not even four months ago?

She is . . . happy, no . . . complete when he is with her. They belong together, anyone can see that, and they can't be without each other. It hurts each of them to be apart from one another. . . They asked for my blessing and what am I suppose to say? At least they asked. They will be with each other anyways, no matter what I say. _No, I want you to be unhappy and die yet again? Yes, you are eighteen and I am giving you my permission to run off and get married?_

"I need some time to think." I replied lamely.

"That's fine." Edward said politely.

_Why was he always so polite? _I am probably not going to forgive him for what he did but if he at least acts rude it will give me a better reason. . .

There was an awkward silence from everyone in the room after that. Billy yawned and Jacob and him said goodbye to me and left. Billy still had the invitation in his hand as he was rolled out of my house while Jacob, who was pushing Billy, ran over his invitation with a grimace on his face.

Alice, Bella, Edward and Jasper all stared at the door as Billy and Jacob left.

It was still silent, I could only hear mine and Bella's breathing, I think. "Come on Jazz, Esme will be worried." Alice started. "Are you coming Edward?" She asked after she gave Bella a hug goodbye.

Edward looked over at me, as if to ask my permission. I shrugged. _Since when does he care what I think?_ I thought.

"I think I better go with you Alice." Edward replied.

Bella looked as if she were about to cry. He bent down as if to kiss her and she suddenly relaxed and a small smile played at her lips.

"I love you." She whispered to him.

"As I love you." He answered.

Bella's POV:

After Edward left I ran up to my room, awaiting his return.

There was a knock on my door and it made me jump. I sat on my floor, frozen in place, for I had fell off my bed. There was a knock again and I got up to answer it.

"Yes Dad?" I asked.

"Your mom is very worried about you, you should call her. . ." He trailed off.

I groaned. "Tomorrow." I offered.

"Tomorrow, right after school." He agreed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I said as I closed my door and slowly walked over to open my window.

There was a note, and my window was already opened. _Funny, I never opened it._ I thought to myself. The note was in Edward's beautiful handwriting.

_~Please try and get some sleep. I know you will probably just stay awake till I arrive there, but you look exhausted. I promise I won't leave and will be there, with you in my arms when you wake._

_Love you forever_

_Edward ~_

I know I probably looked crazy doing it but I smelled the letter theat smelt exactly like him. I smiled.

I found a pair of pajamas and went to the bathroom to take a long, hot shower. After I finished this, I went to my bed and fell asleep. I woke up at about midnight to a pair of cold arms around me.

"Sweet dreams." Edward whispered into my ear.

**A/N: I admit this chapter is a little confusing with all of the changing POV's but It was the only way. . . So please Review and tell me what you think! XD**


	38. The Ashton Vanquish

**"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne**

Chapter #38:

Bella's POV:

I took my time as I woke up with Edward's stone cold armswrapped around me. No bad dreams last night. No waking up screaming. A good night sleep!

"Good morning." He whispered.

I groaned and sat up slowly, brought my hands to my eyes to rub them.

Edward was out of bed, handing me the outfit Alice picked out for me before she left yesterday.

I threw a pillow at him and put another one over my head as I laid back down.

"I had a very good night, thanks for asking." He replied and tossed the pillow back on the bed.

He waited till I was up and out of bed-and to awake to go back to sleep when he left- to kiss me and duck out the window.

"I'll be back in a half an hour." He said then kissed me once more before he ran home.

"Uh hu." I mumbled and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I took a cold shower, in hope that it would wake me up more and then changed into the way- to- dressy- for- Forks- outfit. I put my hair in a messy bun on top of my head. I walked out of the bathroom without looking at the jeans and blue shirt I was wearing.

I went back to my room, putting my shoes on, on the way and grabbing my back pack and what homework I actually did, stuffing it into it.

It hurt to be away from Edward, even though I knew he was coming back. I ate some pop tart that I found in the kitchen and sat on the kitchen counter, waiting for him to arrive.

_Knock._

I fell to the floor when I heard the knock break the long silence because it startled me.

"Bella?" A soft velvety voice asked.

I slowly got up while rubbing my head and I wiped the pop-tart crumbs off of me. When I fell, the pop tart did to.

"Bella?" Edward asked again.

"Ugh." I groaned and walked slowly to the front door. By the time I got to the door he had knocked again.

"Are you okay? I heard you fall." He asked as he ran his cold fingers across my forehead.

"I'm fine." I mumbled.

He looked past me, at the clock for a fraction of a second. "We could probably run by the hospital and see Carlisle before school."

"I'm fine." I repeated and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Come on." He said as he grabbed my backpack in one hand and my hand in his other. He opened the passenger's door to his Volvo for me and I sat down.

A few miles down the road and we could see the hospital. "This is humiliating." I grumbled as he took my hand and guided me to Carlisle's office.

"Good morning Edward." A short brunette nurse said as we passed.

Edward looked at her and smiled. "Good morning." He replied.

"Ow." I lied to get his attention back to me. I rubbed my head to make it look like I wasn't lying. He looked down at me then started walking faster toward Carlisle's office.

When we arrived, the office was empty. "I can't believe this." Edward grumbled.

"I'm surprised that Alice didn't warn you about me falling."

"She is mad at me, and therefor not speaking with me." Edward answered.

"What could she possibly be mad at you about?" I asked.

Edward just looked into my eyes, not saying anything. I understood. Leaving. She was mad at him for making her leave. I'm glad he didn't repeat it out loud.

"What happened this time?" Carlisle asked when he entered the office.

"Bella fell." Edward responded and I blushed.

"And Edward is over reacting. Again." I finished.

"That didn't take long. Our first day back and you are already in a hospital . . . What caused you to fall?" Carlisle asked me.

After I felt my blush fade, I answered him. "Edward knocked on the door and it startled me."

He ran his fingers across my forehead, looking for bumps or something. I learned a long time ago just to let the doctors check my head. Don't stress out about it, just let it happen.

"She is perfectly fine." Carlisle told Edward.

"Intuition." I mumbled and got up out of the chair with some dignity. Some, being the key word. I gave Carlisle a hug goodbye then walked out of the little office. Edward caught up with me easily, despite my head start.

We walked to the car in silence, and the car ride to school was much the same. As he drove into the school parking lot, I swear you could hear the gasps of the other people looking at the silver Volvo drive into the parking lot. A blush was creeping onto my cheeks and I kept my eyes focused down on my hands that were on my lap. I pulled the hood on my jacket up over my head. Edward chuckled as he turned off the car. All of a sudden his happy mood was gone, I heard a growl coming from deep inside his chest. I followed his gaze to the Ashton Vanquish parked right beside him.

I looked a little harder and saw Alice sitting in the front seat fixing her hair in the mirror. Edward got out, walked over to my door at a normal human pace and opened my door. After I was out and he grabbed my backpack, he put his hand in mine. Ignoring all of the stares and dragging me behind him, Edward walked up to the car and opened the door with a little too much force. Alice just took her time getting out, not paying attention to Edward's bad mood and the scene they were making. "Thank you." Alice said to Edward, pretending that he opened the door for her.

"Alice," Edward started.

"No, you didn't come and pick me up, and you weren't going to." Alice tapped her head, " I could see that."

"Why my car?" Edward asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

"Because, Rosalie would kill me if I took hers and if that isn't reason enough, Carlisle was at work." She answered like it was obvious.

"That's not the only reason, you are hiding something from me."

"Just because I can't get this song out of my head doesn't mean that I am automatically hiding something from you." Alice objected.

"With you it usually does." Edward replied.

I laughed as I rolled my eyes. It felt like things were finally coming back together, and going back to normal. To bad that one laugh caused everyone who wasn't already starting at me to look at me. I hid my face in my hair and Edward put his arm around me. The bell rang and a most of the people who were watching us moved on toward their classes, but a few stayed, frozen from shock.

Alice, with the car key in her hand, started walking away. She "accidently" tripped and keyed the side of Edward's Ashton Vanquish.

"Oops." Alice responded and started to walk away.

"Alice!" Edward growled and took off following her, dragging me behind him yet again.

All of a sudden she stopped. She was right behind me holding onto my arm, and Edward was in front of me with my hand still in his while he was glaring at Alice.

The warning bell rang and a most of the rest of the people scattered. "Come on Alice, lets go to class." I said to her. Alice and Edward switched schedulers so now one of them is in all of my classes.

Edward took a step foward and Alice screeched. At that same moment the Guidance councilor came out to see what the commotion was all about.

"Get to class." He told the small crowd that was still watching us. After everyone was gone he turned back towards us. Edward took another step foward and Alice yanked me a step back. "Is there a problem here?" He asked us.

"Yes there is." Edward answered without taking his eyes off of Alice.

"Well, what is it?" He asked impatiently.

Nobody answered but Edward took another step towards us, and Alice and I took another step back.

"Do I need to bring your parents down here? Mr. Cullen? Ms. Swan? Ms. Cullen?" He asked.

Still no answer.

"Esme's going to be mad." Alice said to Edward as he took another step foward.

He glanced back at his car, "she'll understand." He replied with a smug smile on his face.

"Carlisle won't care what we did. You know what he will say. . ." She trailed off.

"Maybe you're right." Edward considered with that smile still on his face.

"What about Charlie?" I asked as the counselor took out his walkie talkie and told the office to call our parents.

"He'll side with me." Edward assured me. "He loves that car. And any ways, you weren't really a part of this, you were just protecting Alice."

"They will be here shortly." The radio informed the counselor.

"Thank you." He replied.

"Oh great." I grumbled.

"None of this would happen if you" Edward started.

"This is both of your faults so just shut. Up." I cut in.

A few minutes later Carlisle pulled up with Esme sitting in the seat right next to him. Edward, Alice , and I were seated in the office. They walked in, saw us sitting there and sighed.

"What happened?" Esme asked us as Carlisle went to talk to the principal.

"Alice ruined my car." Edward stated.

"Edward was about to attack me." Alice added.

"Bella?" Esme asked me.

"I was protecting Alice." I answered.

"Esme." Carlisle came over and took her hand. "They need to talk to us both." He told her.

Charlie drove up then, slammed the door of his cruiser, and walked into the little office.

"Charlie." Carlisle greeted him.

"Carlisle." He replied.

"They need to talk to all of us." Carlisle informed him.

Charlie nodded. He looked over at me and I smiled a timid smile back. He followed Carlisle and Esme into the room and we alone again.

**A/N: Please read and Review. I need 15 reviews before I write and post the next chapter! XD**


	39. Nightmares return

**Familiar things happen, and mankind does not bother about them. It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.**

Chapter #39: Nightmares return

Esme's POV:

Whatever made me decide to adopt five teenagers for eternity is beyond me! I swear when I see them again, their butts are ash. "It's their first day back for crying out loud." I said to Carlisle in a voice no human could hear.

"It definitely is a new record." He chuckled to himself as I put my head in my hands. He rubbed my back as the school councilor came in, murmuring comforting words to me.

"It is very nice to meet you Chief Swan. Dr. And Mrs. Cullen it is very nice to see you again. I just wish it were on better circumstances." The councilor greeted everyone as he shook our hands.

"I've heard that one before." Carlisle whispered to me and I let out a small giggle.

"What really happened?" Charlie asked.

"The students actually wouldn't tell me . . . We should probably bring them in here to explain." The councilor, Mr. Torrez suggested.

I heard Edward shift, as if to get up and explain to Bella what was happening. Right after he was finished, Alice started explaining their story.

_Edward, we want to know the truth. _I thought.

"Later." He replied in a voice too high for anyone else to hear.

"What if they don't believe us? Charlie knows that I can't lie to save my life!" Bella whispered urgently.

"I can see that they will believe us." Alice said. "The story is mostly true anyway."

Mr. Torrez picked up the phone on the desk and called the waiting room, and asked for the kids to be sent in. I turned to see Alice walking in like nothing was wrong, and Edward coming in with Bella at his side. Bella was trying to hide her face behind Edward but it wasn't working very well.

"Which one of you will start explaining what happened?" The counselor asked them.

* * *

**It takes you to another place,  
imagine everything you can.  
All the colors start to blend,  
Your system overloads again.  
Rush, By Aly and Aj**

Bella's POV:

Edward drove me home from his house that night after telling Carlisle and Esme what really happened. Charlie told Edward to go home earlier than he usually does but Edward promised that he would be back. Edward left right before dinner, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

He came back after Charlie was sound asleep, and then I fell asleep in his cold arms knowing that he would leave when I fell asleep to go hunting. He would be back by morning, though.

The nightmares returned . . . He left me alone when I fell asleep and when I woke up he wasn't here like he had promised. I got ready for school and his silver Volvo wasn't in the drive way waiting for me. He wasn't at school either. Jessica and Lauren wouldn't stop asking me about him and if he left me, again. I also couldn't help glancing at the empty Cullen table in the far corner of the cafeteria. When I was safely in my old truck, I screamed.

I didn't stop screaming until I woke myself up. I could feel the warm tears flowing down my cheeks and I kept screaming. I sat up too quickly and my head started to spin.

Edward put his cold arms around me and rocked me gently back and forth.

After the tears and screams stopped I laid my head against his chest. "Did you go hunting?" I asked him with my scratchy voice.

"I was about to leave when you started having the nightmare." He explained in his velvety voice.

"Why didn't you just wake me up?" I wanted to know.

"You need to dream. Humans sort through all their hopes and fears and memories in their sleep. That's what dreaming essentially is. It is your way of dealing with pain and such . . . " He trailed off and a shiver went down his spine.

"What?"

"Did I cause your bad dream?" He asked me.

I didn't answer as I pulled his cold arm around my shoulder.

"I caused your nightmare." He muttered to himself as he pinched the bridge between his nose.

I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. "Edward I screamed because you left me. I screamed for you not because of you. Please look past all this. Despite everything I still love you. I want to be with you. Most days I lay in a ball trying to keep my insides from falling out. Edward you make me whole. Please look at me." Trying to get him to turn around was like trying to move cement.

Finally after five minutes he turned around to face me. We met face to face. He put his cool hand next to my cheek and caressed it.

"Don't leave me." I mumbled, pain in my voice

"I will never forgive myself." Edward whispered to himself, "Never."

"Edward," I started.

"I hurt you and you are the one consoling me. You are too good for me. I do not deserve you my love." He pulled me into a hug. I snuggled my face into his chest taking in his scent. "Go back to sleep Bella."

"But then you will leave . . . " I trailed off.

"I will be here as long as you want me." He murmured.

"Forever."

"Forever." He agreed.


	40. I now I got issues but u are messed up 2

**I know that I've got issues  
But you're pretty messed up too  
Either way, I found out I'm nothing without you  
My life would suck without you, Kelly Clarkson**

Chapter 40:

Bella's POV:

Everything was starting to get back to normal after a week. We all went back to school, and Edward and I were slowly coming back together. Every thing was back, but it still felt like something was missing. It felt like something was wrong, and that I was being left out of something very important. I was just trying to escape the truth. For now I'd be okay, but sure enough I'd go through grief soon. Everything came back together so fast after so long. . . It just seemed I had to move on or freeze myself in time in despair. I'd drift with it, breaking down endlessly wouldn't solve anything. I'd keep it to myself. My heart was broken in two when he left. He's back now though. Its painful still. Everything he said to me, it all cut like razor blades on the skin. I felt like every word he spoke, was just another lie. That's exactly what Edward was. A beautiful liar. How anyone could see past him, I would never know. I sure couldn't. Though, then again I never really loved anyone before. Especially not a vampire. My trust for him is coming back slowly, I know that I can't live without him and won't live without him but I still have a feeling that he is going to leave me again. I can't just jump back into trusting him after what he did.

It was the Friday, and I was going to spend the weekend having a sleep over with Alice. I awoke that morning slightly groggy due to my lack of sleep. Slowly, I removed myself from my bed and into the bathroom. With one glance in the mirror, I gasped. Underneath my eyes was a shade of purple most likely from not being able to sleep like a normal eyes were no longer a dark brown, but a murky black that resembled stones in an oddly frozen face. I could feel the blistering pain from that thought, but seeing the girl in the mirror awed and horrified me more. The limp hair, chalk like skin, the portrait view of her and how she seemed to fit into a painting where everything was supported by some invisible force; if nothing was there to hold her up she'd fall into a puddle. I shook my head weakly, denying what I saw. I put my hair in a messy pony tail and put on the first t-shirt and jeans that I could find.

I decided that I wasn't hungry and ditched any ideas of breakfast, from the way I looked in the mirror I probably should have ate something. What is one less meal? I grabbed my bag and headed for the front door, preparing for the sudden burst of cold that would hit me once I opened it. The cold outside helped wake me up as I sat on the front porch steps. I heard his Volvo pull into the driveway and got up. I got in the warm passenger seat and put my hand in Edward's open one. The ride to school was silent until we reached his house and picked up a very hyper Alice.

"I swear Bella; your fashion sense has gotten worse since I last saw you." She gave me a disapproving glare.

"You just saw me yesterday."I knew that I look horrible but I just really don't care that much.

"She'll never go for it Alice." Edward said to her. We were still parked in their garage.

"It will only take a minute, I saw that this was going to happen so I am already prepared." She replied. Alice opened her door in a flash and before I knew it I was in her room. She was putting, no forcing some expensive outfit on me.

"What the Hell? Leave me alone Alice." I yelled at her.

"Lang." Esme warned.

"It will be easier if you don't complain, Bella." She told me. "Just put these shoes on and we can leave."

I did as she told( knowing that I would not win an argument against her), and the second I was done I was already sitting next to Edward again with his cool arm wrapped around me. As soon as I saw Edward there was a smile on my face. He had his famous crooked smile plastered on his face, and it made my heart skip a beat.

"You look beautiful, Bella." He whispered to me. Right then my stomach growled and Edward and Alice eyed me suspiciously. "What did you have for breakfast?" He asked me as he backed out of the garage and started driving down the road at eighty.

"I wasn't hungry. What did you have?" I asked him.

"Nothing. I wasn't hungry either." He answered.

"What about you, Alice?" I asked her.

"I just hunted last week, so I didn't eat anything." Alice said.

"So why are you guys giving _me_ funny looks. You aren't very good examples yourselves." I resorted.

Alice smacked her palm to her forehead. "That is why Mr. Grumpy over there left in the first place. Nice one Bells." Alice told me.

**A/N: Please review! I have over 900 hits this month so I know you peoples are out there, so please please review. I have not had much time to update recently, and I DON'T HAVE MANY IDEAS LEFT! Please review and help me! The more reviews= the faster I type= more chapters XD**


	41. Do I have any say in that?

**In memory of my Grandma . . . **

_Before I met you, I never knew  
what it was like to smile for no reason_.

Chapter 41: Do I have any say in that?

*Lunch time at Forks High*

Edward's POV:

"Edward, how could you?" Bella and Alice said in unison.

I frowned.

"How could I what?" I asked them, not really sure what was going on.

"Why? I thought we had something special!" Bella said as she leaned into Alice's shoulder and cried.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't give me that Edward Cullen." Bella spat back. "You know darn well what I am talking about." She whispered, glaring at me from behind a curtain of brown hair.

"That's cold Edward, even for you." Alice said as she tried to sooth Bella.

"No, I really don't." I replied.

_I love you, you love me. We're a happy family! With a great big hug-_Alice started singing in her head, trying to keep me out for some reason.

Alice and Bella exchanged a glance. A smile spread across both of their faces and they bursted out laughing.

"What was that about?" I asked after they stopped laughing.

"Chill." Alice said

"Yeah, it was just a joke." Bella laughed. "And you said I couldn't act."

After a few minutes of awkward silence Bella and Alice went back to talking.

"What do you want to do this weekend, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No shopping. Just sit at home." She answered.

"Are you sure Bella?" Alice pouted and stuck out her bottom lip. "Everyone else is going out camping."

"Stay strong Bella." I whispered to her.

"You know I can't say no to that." Bella said as she motioned to Alice.

"I'll be your bestest friend Bella?" Alice added.

"No."

"That or a make over, because for a make over you don't need to do anything."Alice decided, her thoughts turning to different shades of eyeshadow.

"Lets just go to class." Bella said as she picked up her half eaten lunch, and our trays to throw away.

" Oh _Joy_! Bella's Back." Jessica said as she walked past our table, with Lauren snickering behind her, luckily Bella didn't hear.

There was a growl forming my throat and Alice grabbed my arm to keep me seated.

(Still Edward's POV)

Bella was staying over at my house this weekend while Charlie went fishing. She is having a sleep over with Alice, or so we told Charlie.

Bella and Esme were cooking in the kitchen. They were toasting, scrambling, baking, mixing, etc. I was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. From what I can hear, Carlisle just pulled into the driveway. Esme left Bella to do her thing and went to go meet him.

Bella was thinking out loud and humming to herself with a smile plastered across her face.

"Eggs, eggs . . . Where did I put the eggs." She turned around in a circle looking for them, even though they are on the table right next to her.

"Do you need any help?" I asked her.

"I'm fine."She replied. "Stupid eggs . . . There you are!"

"Are you sure?" I responded as she went looking for the recipe, which I handed to her.

"Yes, Edward. I am sure . . . Ow."She said and stuck her finger in her mouth.

"Bella?" I asked when the smell hit me. It was like running into a cement wall or being hit head on by a semi.

"Paper cut." She muttered.

She hugged me tight and I stiffened.

She jumped back three steps and fell. She hit her head on the wall with a whack. I ran over to her and helped her up. Examining her head while doing so.

"Are you okay, Love?" I asked her.

"Yeah . . . I just need a band aid for my finger." She mumbled, and took a deep breath to clear her head.

"Here." I said as I wrapped the band aid around her finger.

"Oh sweetie, are you okay?" Esme asked as she went up to Bella and looked her over. _Are you okay, Edward?_ She thought.

I nodded.

_You need to hunt. Everyone is going this weekend except for Alice and I._

I shook my head.

"Edward you need, and have to hunt. I know you don't want to leave Bella, but your eyes are as black as midnight. I can see what you have been planning on doing and that won't work. You wouldn't be happy with yourself." Alice was begging me.

I shook my head 'no'.

Everyone was trying to get me to hunt.

We now moved to the living room, considering the kitchen was to small for all of us comfortably.

"I'll sit on Bella while you are gone." Alice suggested with an evil smile.

"Do I have any say in that?" Bella asked. "I could always go with you." She mumbled in a small voice.

"No!" Everyone said in unison.

_It is hard to remember to protect when you are on the__ offense._ Rosalie thought.

A/N: I now have someone who is helping me write the story, Veggiegirl15

A/N2: Please review and tell me what you think!


	42. Past fears return

**~ Please Review! I will not write another chapter until my reviews are up to 250. That is only seven reviews.**

**~I hope you like it!**

**~~ This chapter goes into how Bella is not the same as she was before when they come back, and she doesn't go right back to normal like in New Moon, so it takes some time for her to get put back together.**

**~If you review this chapter, I will give you a small passage or a couple of quotes from the next chapter!**

**Chapter 42- Don't stop believing**

"True love shines the brightest, but the brightest flames leave the deepest scars."

-Anonymous Author

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella, what do you want for dinner, honey?" Esme asked me.

"I'm not really hungry." I replied truthfully.

"You ate not even half your lunch today, and you have dropped like two sizes in clothes ever since we left." Alice said. "You have changed Bella. . ." She trailed off.

"I'm sorry the breakup hit me hard. I'm sorry that I am not the same person that you all left here in Forks." Angry tears were falling from my eyes by now. " I can't change the past, but I can assure you that I have gotten better. I have been trying like Hell to get back to the way I was, but you know what? I. Have. Changed." I told her truthfully. After I cooled down I tried again."I haven't eaten a lot since a few months ago **(A/N: When they left her)**, and I am seriously not really hungry." I answered.

"Just eat something, Bella, please?" Alice said.

"Why? I'm not hungry! You say I haven't eaten half my lunch today but _you_ didn't eat anything." I responded.

"I wasn't hungry for anything they had, Bella." Alice said with a smile. "Now will you just eat something. Edward wouldn't want you to starve yourself." Alice's smile turned to a frown near the end.

"So you guys don't care if I starve myself?" I accused.

"Of course we do, honey, but we know you care about what Edward thinks the most." Esme said as she took some spaghetti out of the pantry.

"If you don't eat then we could always put an iv in you to feed you." Alice added.

_She just said that because she knows I am afraid of needles. _I thought."Fine I'll eat, even though I am _not _hungry." I muttered.

_What's the point of fighting?_ I thought. _I should be better now that he is back_, _he _and_ his family_._ I should be happy that they promised to stay with me. I seem to be getting worse, or worse at hiding it. Now I can laugh and keep up a conversation, but I feel like I have gotten worse, not emotionally, but physically_ _and mentally. I feel like I will never be back the way I was before. I will never be truly happy again, and will be broken forever. The pain that injury caused is never ending, and it will be a part of me forever. Everything he said to me, it all cut like a stake through my heart. I can't get over the feeling that everything he says is a lie. Everyone says that he will eventually get bored with me, and I can't help but believe them. How anyone could see past him, I would never know. I sure couldn't. I never really loved anyone before. I can never move on and forget, because there are always things reminding me, telling me that he left and tearing away at my hope and faith: The nightmares; the way everyone treats me like a glass china doll- so breakable and fragile; how someone is ALWAYS watching me, wether I am awake or asleep, even though they just want to keep me safe._

"Here, Bella, I made you some spaghetti and sauce." Esme said sweetly, interrupting me from my internal monolog. "Honey, you don't have to eat it all, but please eat a little, maybe half?"

How can I deny Esme, so sweet and kind? I answered her by picking up my fork and twirling the spaghetti around it and sticking it in my mouth.

"How does it taste?" Esme asked me as she walked back to the kitchen to clean it up.

"Great." I answered as if she were right next to me knowing that she could hear me.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Esme questioned.

"I can get it myself, you don't have to wait on me." I replied as I pushed my chair out, getting it on my own.

"Eat, Bella." Alice said disapprovingly as she sat down next to me.

I rolled my eyes and took another bite.

Esme came and put a glass of water on my left and went back to the kitchen to clean it up.

After I couldn't possibly fit anymore in my stretched out stomach , I turned to Alice. "Why did you key Edward's car?" I asked her.

"I just felt like it, I guess." She said with a shrug of her small shoulders.

"Alice," I said, knowing there was more by the look on her face.

" Bella, it isn't important for you to know."

"It involves me, doesn't it?" I questioned her.

"It's nothing." She answered quickly.

"They were talking about me again, weren't they. You were just finding a way to get out of me hearing it." I accused.

"Bella, did you have to put up with that when we were gone?" She asked me as she reached out to put her hand on mine.

"Yeah, they were as a matter of fact. I went through Hell when all of you were gone; from the feeling like a dead, empty shell to hearing all my 'Friends' talk about me behind my back, or sometimes even right in front of me." I said as I put my head in my hands to hide the tears falling from my face.

"Bella, I am so sorry." She whispered.

"I have to go." I said as I stood up and made my way up the stairs to Edward's room.

Once I was alone, with the door slammed closed, I threw myself into the bed and felt the tears flowing freely from my eyes. Working myself up, my stomach started churning and I ran to the bathroom. My dinner was soon before me once again. I flushed the toilet and washed my face in the sink. Tears were still flowing from my eyes as I made my way to my bed.

I cried myself to sleep that night thinking about how all of them still look perfect and I only look worse.

_I opened my eyes to seeing Laurent circling me. I tried to stay calm but I could feel my heart beat quicken. I saw his pitch black eyes strained on my every movement._

"_He doesn't want you now, and he didn't want you then." He said as he took a step towards me. "But I can't see why. . . you are so, mouth-watering."_

_I took a step back and hit something hard, a tree I presume. "They will find out." I whispered._

_He opened his mouth and licked his razor sharp teeth with his tongue. The venom was pooling in his mouth as he ran over next to me. He brushed my hair behind my ear and let his finger rest on my pulse point. He grabbed my shoulders with rough, cold hands, than shook me violently. "Bella. . . Bella . . . Bella. . ." He said while shaking me. His voice kept getting higher pitched_ till I opened my eyes and saw that it was all a dream. Alice was shaking me, and Esme was calling my name.

"Bella what happened?" Alice asked as I shot up out of bed and curled into a ball as Esme put her arm around me.

"Laurent." I said, my voice still thick from crying. Fresh tears started rolling from my eyes, I never had a chance for me to fear him, until Edward left, and I was unprotected.

After I calmed down, and Esme and Alice left the room and let me fall asleep again.

"_You don't want me, do you?" I asked him._

"_Bella, I left you the first time and YOU came and got Me. I didn't come after you." He hissed at me._

"_Edward, you said forever." My voice broke at the end._

" _Accept it and get on with your life." _

"_You don't want to do this Edward." I whispered._

"_I didn't love you then and I don't love you now." He said as his eyes turned black and he took sevral steps towards me and put his teeth to my neck._

"_No Edward, don't." I screamed as he bit into my neck. I threw my arms and legs around trying to break free. His arms held me down as he drained me. My vision went black as I woke up screaming. _

The sun was high in the sky by the time I woke up this time, and Edward was holding me.

"Are you okay, love?" He whispered in my ear.

"Edward, don't go."


	43. Edward don't go!

***If you review this chapter, I will give you a small passage or a couple of quotes from the next chapter.**

**-12 REVIEWS! Yeah :D I am up to 255 reviews, so lets try and make it to 265! **

Thank you to everyone who reviewed- Jenlovestwilight, CrankyFrenchLady88, VeggieGirl15,Michaylalove,alexis, You-won't-see-an-iguana-here, Darkness's Daughter**, **Nikki, Gothic Saku-chan, kristenincandyland, and flame55

***Laurent and Victoria were never killed, and if you want them in the story, please tell me. (I think that they our horrible excuses for vampires because I could do a better job killing Bella than them.)**

Chapter 43: I run to you

"Run from my past. I run too fast, or too slow it seems  
When lies become the truth. That's when I run to you  
This world keeps spinning faster. Into a new disaster so I run to you. I run to you baby  
And when it all starts coming undone. Baby you're the only one I run to you.  
We run on fumes. Your life and mine. Like the sands of time Slippin' right on through, and our love's the only 's why I run to you."  
Lady Antebellum

**Edward's POV:**

I don't know how they ended up convincing me, but they did. They all ganged up against me, that's how. Now I am about a state away from her. Even if I ran back, I wouldn't get there till tonight. Hunting when I am not even that thirsty. Stupid overpopulation of Grizzlies.

_You want to race Edward? _Emmett thought.

"Do I _look_ like I want to race?" I grumbled as I took a seat on the rock closest to me.

"Give him a break, Edward." Rosalie said.

"Dude, you have Bella, your whole life back, you should be happy and here you are moping around like you left her all over again. She is at our house, safe and protected," _At least by Esme, nobody can be sure about Alice, "_and you will see her in two days." Emmett replied.

"_Two days_. Two days? I went without her for decades. When I found her, I left her, and this is the first time apart from each other since then. Two days is a _long_ time!" By the time I said this I already jumped off of the rock and pacing back and forth at Vampire speed.

"Get over it." Rosalie snapped, as she took off running toward the deep section of the forest to hunt.

"Do you need to talk Edward?" Carlisle asked me. "You are driving Jasper crazy." He laughed.

"I'm fine." I assured him, as I took off running toward the sound of the closest mountain lion. After I caught around three lions, I started running back home.

Back to my love. Back to Bella. I pushed my self to run faster, as if she was the gravity holding me to the ground. The oxygen that fills my lungs, even though I don't need it. I crave it.

I heard quick footsteps coming behind me and a pair that was circling around me toward my front. I sped up as I could hear them gaining. A breeze went past the second they stopped me and I immediately recognized who they were. I admit I could have run around them, and/ or out run them but it must be important. Very important, if they must stop me from seeing Bella. The people who stood in front of me were none other than Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett.

"Where do you think you are going?" Carlisle asked me as Emmett and Jasper grabbed my arms.

"Home, to Bella." I hissed. I tried to shake Jasper and Emmett off, but that just caused them both to tighten their grips.

"Edward, nothing will happen. You need to relax and hunt, clear your mind and loosen up." Jasper said.

"Something is wrong. I can feel it."I replied.

"If something was wrong, then they would call us." Carlisle tried to reason with me.

They still hadn't let go of me, but their grips loosened. _If I can get them distracted, I could have a second to get myself free and run._ I considered silently.

"If you thought something was wrong with Esme," I started while I looked at Carlisle, " or something was wrong with Alice," I added while looking at Jasper, "you guys would go running possibly without telling everybody else." I told them.

"You have a point, Edward. She has Esme and Alice though . . . " Carlisle stated calmly.

"Before you go running back . . . Call them." Jasper said while trying to keep me calm.

I took my phone out of my pocket after Emmett let go of one of my arms. Alice answered on the first ring.

"She is fine Edward." Alice said, and I relaxed a little. Alice was standing in front of my room so I could hear Bella tossing and turning.

"They will find out." Bella said. "No . . . Stop! No, no, no." Bella screamed. "Help! Edward . . . No, stop."

I heard the phone click off.

"Alice? . . . Are you there? Alice?" I said into the phone even though I knew she hung up. By then Emmett and Jasper both let go of me and I was running home as fast as I could.

****

I got there sooner than I thought I would and Bella was tossing and turning as I jumped through my upstairs window.

"_Edward, you said forever." _Bella's voice broke at the end. _"You don't want to do this Edward."_She whispered. "No Edward don't!" She screamed as she jolted straight up in bed.

I wrapped my arms around her and she visibly relaxed, even though tears were still streaming down her face. "Are you okay, love?" I whispered in her ear.

"Edward, don't go." She said as she grabbed onto my shirt with all her might.

"I will be here as long as you want me to be." I vowed.

***I know I said I would update as soon as I got that many reviews but my computer had a worm virus thingy and it wouldn't even turn on. :(**


	44. The End

A/n: I am sooooo sorry. My computer is crashed( and I am not exaggerating, I can't even log on to it, let alone open word or the internet. This story isn't going the way I wanted it too. I am debating wether to finish it or re-do it.

I actually just re read the last chapter, and it has a pretty good ending... I might update later if I get anymore ideas but I am going to focus on my other stories. I am writing a few right now; one with the cullens going to counciling with my fried Dar, and another with Dar called Human's bleed- it is a Bella cutting story when the Cullens left.

You guys are the best

Love Alyssa

Again I am soooo sorry. Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, and have a Happy, healthy New Year.


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